In a Rut

A couple of years ago we took a road trip out west.  One of the things on the "must see" list was the Skywalk over the Grand Canyon.  To get there, we found ourselves on a narrow, windy, paved road which turned into a hilly, narrow, rutty, bumpy, very dusty, gravel road which went for 20 something miles.  It wasn't all that pleasant driving on that rutty road.  By being literally in a rut, all the focus was on driving and not too much on the beautiful scenery unfolding as we went....but we knew that at the end of the line was beauty beyond anything we could imagine...the Grand Canyon.

Life gets that way sometimes doesn't it.  Our spiritual lives do too.  We can get into a rut pretty easily as we travel our road of life.  In our daily lives we work to support our families, then we divide the remaining time between trying to be a parent and husband, some recreational activities so we can blow off some steam, and then...of course...some necessary rest.  Day in and day out, not a whole lot changes, and we can easily allow ourselves to feel as if we are in a rut.

In our spiritual lives there is also a lot of sameness involved, though perhaps not so much every day.  We pray, we do our Bible readings, we go to church on Sundays, and maybe even perhaps do a small group.  Even all of that sometimes can have the tendency (in our minds) of becoming "sameness" and then it becomes easy to feel as if we are in a rut spiritually (gasp !).

Since I have been writing this blog, there has been one article posted for each day of the week. (No, it has not been "rut causing", because I have enjoyed it tremendously).  So for a bit of a change up, this posting will actually be a two day posting.  All of the above represents today's post....except for the questions that follow for you to ponder before you read tomorrow's post...Out of the Rut.  So ponder the questions as they impact your life, and tomorrow we will have the sequel:

1. Do I feel as if my life is in a rut....and why?
2. Is my spiritual life in a rut....and why?
3. Am I comfortable with those feelings of being in a rut?
4. What things can I do to change that?
5. What positive impact might those changes have on my relationships with family, friends and God?

Happy homework !!!

Figure it out

Have you ever had a boss that responded to one of  your questions with "figure it out"?  Or maybe you have said it to one of your kids who posed a homework question to you.  "Figure it out" is kind of an off-putting comment isn't it?  To me, it implies something like this..."I don't want to be bothered with this".

What do you do when you have serious life questions you are trying to find answers to?  Those might be questions about:

• your spiritual life
• your relationship with God
• your relationship with your wife or girlfriend
• or any number of mind and heart questions

How would you like to hear "you figure it out" to any of those questions or issues?  If a person really wanted to, he could go to the single complete source of help, information, inspiration, and truth that there is...the Bible.

Oh, I forgot....nowhere in the Bible will you hear "you figure it out".  Only God's truth is spoken there...over and over again.



The Real Deal.....or a wannabe?

Do you sometimes question how you are doing as a man, husband, and father?  Do you have some of those reflective moments alone when you consider how you are perceived as a man, husband, and father, and how those perceptions line up with how you really are?

We aren't born with an owners manual in our hand, nor a set of instructions that gives us that annoying step by step "part a to part b" diagram guide to better built men.  And one thing that science has never discovered is a "better husband-better father" gene or chromosome.  Lacking those things, we are left with only personal choices and decision making in whether to use the help from those tools available to us or not.  Those tools include:

• the best established resource available to us...the Bible
• the experience of others who have walked a similar path
• prayer
• communication

We may never be perfect men, husbands, and fathers.  But we certainly can be good men, husbands, and fathers.  This might be a list that a wife and mother would use to describe that "good man":

We won't hit them all, all of the time....we are human.  There will be bumps in the road from time to time.  But as long as we know, and they know that we are trying consistently to be the real deal, we will never be labeled, or think of ourselves, as a wannabe.



Polly wanna cracker?

I was in another room and couldn't help but hear the television in the next room.  The show was a morning sports show in which the two commentators were regurgitating all that had happened in the "world" of sports the previous day.  What I found fascinating during the time I listened to it was how closely it resembled someone talking to a parrot.  One guy would say something about what happened and the other guy would regurgitate the same thing in almost the same words....and this went on and on.  Perhaps training for that kind of work includes learning to be like a parrot.

Have you ever noticed how many Christians seemingly "parrot" catch words, phrases, cliches, etc?  To me, whenever I hear folks parroting, I get kind of ill at ease inside.....especially if I know the folks and realize that they are not talking like they normally do.  They aren't being real, nor transparent.  It, sadly, is almost as if some are afraid of their shortcoming or lack of knowledge, or their inadequacies, and thus "parrot" to make themselves sound better.

I hope that I'm not coming off as harsh or unrealistic with this topic.  I hurt for those who are obviously parroting, as it tells me that perhaps their walk is in its early stages and that growth will come.  For those who have obviously been around for quite some time, and still do it, my hurt is a bit less for them, because I have this nagging sense that perhaps they have just chosen to be just a bit phoney.

God didn't make us a bunch of parrots.  He made us as individuals.  As such, there is no need to be anything but our individual selves in our daily walk.  We all have our own individual styles, our own uniqueness, or own levels of learning and understanding, and we all are responsible for our own level of progress in this walk of life.  We don't need to be parrots......we just need to be us, as God has made us.

Embrace your uniqueness and one of God's individual children, and say no to the cracker request.

Personalize !

Today at church I took communion with most of the other folks there.  Communion time, for me, is always a huge time of reflection and thanks....a very special and meaningful time.  So special, in fact, that sometimes I think I should partake every single day as a tool to help keep me on the tracks as this sometimes train wreck goes through life.

As I partook of communion today, I realized that I was thanking God for sending His Son to die on the cross for us.  No, there is nothing wrong with that....nothing at all.  But it brought out another revelation to my mind, one of huge impact.  I need, I really needed, to personalize that process, much like I do with prayer.

I actually don't know if, at those times I take communion, I have always generalized (like I caught myself doing today) or not.  But, according to the degree with which the difference struck me today, I may well have been generalizing my thanks and gratitude.

Out of this came a new perspective for me.  It isn't selfish at all to make communion deeply personal.  Yes, Jesus went to the cross for all of us.  Most importantly, however, for me is that He went there for me, and that's not being selfish at all.  If I personalize that specific aspect of my spiritual life, I will then also personalize that which is the basis for the communion in the first place...that He died for not just all of our sins, but for my sin.  And because that is now thrown directly into the spotlight, it makes it all the more difficult for me to minimize, try to hide or "forget", or rationalize that sin.  By personalizing it...I own it completely.

I'm going to be taking communion much more personally now. 

Do you take communion personally?

Filet of soul

You don't have a soul...

You are a soul...

You have a body.

C. S. Lewis

 

Michelangelo is quoted as saying something to the effect that when he would look over a piece of marble for one of his sculptures he always envisioned that the sculpture itself was already inside, and that it was his job just to chip away at the edges to reveal the sculpture.

 

We are pieces of sculpture....each crafted by God's own hand.  The name of that sculpture is "our soul".  And when we pass on, it is that same soul which leaves the body to go where it is to go...hopefully to heaven.  Our bodies, the roughness that surrounded our sculpture, goes back to where it came from in the beginning....dust.

 

During our lifetimes, we are the Michaelangelo's of our own individual sculpture....our soul.  As such, it is incumbent on us to keep chipping away at the stuff in our lives that stops our soul from being all that it can be.  Preparing our sculpture is a life long process, and the beauty of knowing that a soul was prepared specifically to go to heaven is the ultimate reward for all the hard work of the sculpturer...you and I.

 

And that is quite a challenge, is it not?  There's nothing fishy about this filet of soul.



Turn the heat down !

"It's about progress, not perfection" is a comment I heard many times when sitting around tables with strangers in meeting rooms of church basements years ago.  That mantra is a great guideline for those struggling with addiction.  It serves as a gentle reminder that getting better is a process, not an event.

We tend to forget that it's no different in our spiritual journey.  Being a Christian isn't an event...it is a process.  A lifetime process at that.  And contrary to what many of us think at times, it isn't about perfection.  Our walk is about progress.  Most of us know, without doubt, that we are not perfect....nor will we ever be.  And yet we continue to beat ourselves up for not being perfect each and every time we do something contrary to what we know is God's will for us. 

You play a huge role in your children's growth into young adults.  And throughout that process, from baby to twenties, you never see perfection....but you see a lot of progress....because it is a process with a lot of ups and downs, trials and tribulations, missteps and mistakes, and most of all positive learning from all of that.  Look at your own spiritual journey in the same way.  While looking at it that way remember that when your kids were growing up you weren't a scorekeeper.  You were a forgiver as they made those stupid mistakes that eventually they learned from.  Look at God in the same way as you struggle with your spiritual journey.  He's no scorekeeper.  He's a forgiver.

Turn the heat down !  We tend to put a lot of extra heat on ourselves for screwing up.  Instead of beating yourself up over it, try to look at whatever it was as a positive.  It's a lesson to be learned from...if you choose it to be and that can be a real positive.  In addition to turning the heat down, just take a minute to remember that there was only one perfect one....and His name was Jesus.  And because He knew of our imperfect nature, He died on the cross for us....he carried our sin, our mistakes, our imperfection, so that we could make progress toward the ultimate perfection.  He handed us a process to live by, not on a silver spoon, but on a wood cross.



Angel of apathy or.....

Now that spring break is over for the school kids, I wonder how many parents (I'd guess mostly moms) heard their kids whine a bit about being bored during that time.  And I wonder how many of those parents responded with "just go find something to do".  It's good preparation for summer vacation isn't it?

Aren't there some times in your own life when you get a bit bored?  Even with the busyness we all face in our lives these days, working, finding time for the kids and family, taking care of the house, church activities, etc...are not there those moments when you think you could be doing something?  I think we all have those moments of restlessness, and I think that at some of those times God may just be nudging us to....indeed, do something.

Matthew West has a song out titled "Do Something".  It addresses some of the wrongs in the world and asks the question "God, why don't You do something?"  And the next verse answers that.."I did, I created you."  And that leads into the following, which is the chorus:

 

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it's time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It's not enough to do nothing
It's time for us to do something

 

It is a pretty powerful song.  As I listened to it, I was reminded of a couple that I am close to.  Each Saturday, as a family, they take time out of their day to do something....the prepare food and take it to a homeless encampment in their area and give it to the homeless who are there.  They do it without publicity...they just do it.  They are not the Angels of Apathy sung about in the song.  They found a small need of some others that they could fill, and they acted on that need.

Yes, us guys love our weekends for the most part, and yes, it is tough sharing just a bit of it in an unusual way.  After all, we can self-justify, we have worked hard all week to "earn" the right of an enjoyable weekend doing just what we want to to.  Well, how about this.....why not earn a bit of joy in your heart, and the hearts of your family, by doing something extra, perhaps off the wall, to help someone less fortunate, or in real need for an evening or a small part of your weekend?  There is always a need or someone who needs just a bit of help.  You can choose to be an Angel of Apathy or you can do something.

While you are at it can you just imagine how God smiles at those that do something?

 



What's more important? Why waste time?

We all have a lot in common, and it makes no difference where we are in our spiritual walk:

• we have all experienced wrongs at the hands of others...sometimes some pretty deep wounds resulted
• we have all done things of which we are not proud
• we all carry skeletons of some sort
• many times we tend to carry a "score card"

Each of the above are things that reflect something within our pasts.  And each are something that we find ourselves "massaging" from time to time.  And each, because we so often don't let it go, can drain us, or stand in the way of our emotional and spiritual well being.  Sometimes it seems just too hard to forgive....ourselves and others, doesn't it?  If we forgive some of those others we no longer have that "club" to carry in our minds.  And by not forgiving ourselves of those things in our past which helped bring about our brokenness we are denying ourselves a freedom that we need to really move on and grow as Christians.

Truthfully now, doesn't it almost seem easier at times to ask God for forgiveness than to render forgiveness ourselves...either to others or ourselves?  Why is that so?

Perhaps if we remove ourselves from the role of judge and jury, and just stick with God and the one and only source of forgiveness we might get a whole new perspective.  It would serve to remind us of this important distinction:

 

 

Oh, by the way.....the future is changed because you are then not carrying the weight of the past and you are free of that burden.  I've always heard that God has a big heart and big hands....so why not give him that past junk?  We can trust Him to know what to do with it...and it frees us up to thank Him and grow.



Copycats ?

Did you ever hear little kids squabble about someone being a copycat?  The little guys seem to take serious offense at another being a copycat.  Copycats also perplex police....at least on the cop shows on TV.  They don't like finding out they have a copycat killer on their hands...it makes their investigative life more difficult.

Something I have noticed over time as I have attended some churches (particularly those of high structure and formality) for events (funerals and weddings to be exact) is how much many of those in the pews take on the pious dignity of those in the robes at the front for the duration of their time at the service.  I'm not knocking their allegiance or sense of feeling for being in a religious service, but having known many of those folks outside of the church for quite some time it just struck me odd that there should be such a significant change in their demeanor just from entering a place of worship.  They actually, many times, mimicked the folded hands-heads bowed routine of the robed ones, offering up a seemingly pious front for those who would observe it.  That all changed once they hit the parking lot.  It seemed to me there was a bit of copycatting going on.

Is that kind of comporting oneself real?  Is that a sign of real christian beliefs and demeanor?  Or is it show?  I have to say, copycatting other Christians isn't confined the parishes where the robed ones ply their trade.  It is all over to one degree or another.  It discourages me to see Christians copycatting Christians.  It seems to me that their efforts are more on "being seen" than knowing Christ, that one thing which we are called upon to do.



To my way of thinking there is only so much energy to go around in any of our lives what with the routine of daily living we all face.  Doesn't it seem more prudent to use that effort to being more like Christ than being like our neighbor?  Just sayin' !

An Easter Message

 

 

I died so you can live



Could of, would of, should of

If only, blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blah !  I spent some time with a guy yesterday that seems to be quite focused on the past. Sadly, much of his conversation contained an inordinate amount of "if onlys", "I should haves", "I could haves", and "I wishs".  He was blaming his present situation, which isn't all that good, on either things that he neglected to do earlier, or on things that just went wrong.  In living like that, he isn't a very happy camper.

Doesn't it seem easier to focus on "bad" stuff from the past than on "good" stuff?  Aren't difficult times from the past often easier to think of than happier times?  In my case, unfortunately, I find it much easier to remember the details from an ugly squabble I had with my wife than a wonderful date night we shared.  And it is real easy for me to remember the disappointments I experienced as a child than some of the happy times.  Does this make me weird...or does it make me human?

I think the separator between it being weird or human is the degree to which we rely upon the could ofs, would ofs, and should ofs.  By relying on those we try to shift or place blame..even if it's on ourselves.  By not going there, we accept the mistakes we made, and are moving on.....even if we continue to remember those mistakes and disappointments.

Here's the bottom line...there have never been any promises made, from God or anyone, that our lives would be perfect.  In fact, biblicaly, we are promised, through example after example, that we can expect upheavals, disappointments, unhappiness, misfortune, etc., somewhere and at some time in our lives.  And the reason for that is so that we can learn to grow, both within and in our reliance on the Lord. 

The kicker:  If we find ourselves nearing the "if only", "could of", "would of", "should of" memory room of the mind...we really should turn and get to the "Thank You God" room instead.  After all, it is there where He will meet us with a platter full of joy and peace.



EVERYONE HAVE A BLESSED EASTER WITH CHURCH AND FAMILY.

Nonconformist and proud of it

 

 

A few years back, Chris Young came out with a country song titled "The man I want to be".  The first few verses follow:

 

God, I'm down here on my knees
'Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That You might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me

 

I've spent my whole life
Gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use Your help
'Cause from now on

 

I want to be a good man
A do like I should man
I want to be the kind of man
The mirror likes to see

 

I want to be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong man
God, I'm asking You to come change me
Into the man I want to be

 

If you are like me you will recognize the anguish in these verses....anguish that comes from knowing that we pay far more attention to conformity than morality as we struggle with our walks of life.  So often we fall over the trip wire of worrying about what others will think instead of trusting God.  When the point is reached that what our mirror really sees is a true non-conformist to the ways of the world, our walk down the narrow road of life will be much more fulfilling and rewarding.



Help !!!!

"Hey, can you give me a hand?"  If you're like most guys, you more often than not will kind of get an "ego boost" when someone asks you that.  Someone needs you, needs some assistance.  It's kind of a feel good thing isn't it?

Then there are times when no one has asked for your help, but you can clearly see that they can use some assistance in some way....so you jump right in and ask if you can help them.  It might be a little old lady having trouble carrying some packages, or perhaps an elderly man who appears lost and maybe confused.  Again, help is needed, help is given, and it is a feel good situation all the way around. 

What ruins a perfectly good "help" situation?  It is when there are expectations of gain of some kind...something beyond just a grateful "thank you."  Why is that so?   It is because we are all wired with a "help gene".  It is just within us to want to try to help someone else....because we also care.

There's no need to go into detail about ways to help others.  Hey, that would take a huge book.  Suffice it to say, if we each are simply aware of what is going on around us....at work, at home, out in the world, we will gradually hone or radars to those "help wanted/needed" situations that are everywhere around us.  And, as this happens, ever so gradually, we will all come out of ourselves and come more into real life, where helping others is so much more gratifying, satisfying, and certainly Christ like.

Yes, you don't need an earthly reason to help people.....because we already have a heavenly reason to do so.



Just between you and me

Secrets.  How many times are secrets shared with the admonition " this is just between you and me"?   And how many secrets are no longer so in spite of that admonition?  Plenty.  It's almost like we have to tell someone a secret we have...it is almost a compulsion to do so.....and then it simply cannot be considered a secret anymore can it?

Well, there is something that is no secret.  What you are, who you are, what you do or don't do, how you act, how you respond, what you think, everything about you...none of that is a secret.  It is all between you and God.  Mother Theresa shared this gem:



 

You see, as we walk down our long narrow road of life, so much of those things about us is predicated upon by how others might feel, think, or react.  In reality, none of that should matter simply because everything about us...our behavior, way of thinking, way of acting, how we treat others, etc.  rightfully belongs to God.   Our relationship with Him should be one of "just between You and me".

Toxic Waste

Toxic waste is a subject that kind of brings a cringe to the skin does it not?  When we think of toxic waste we think of buried nuclear waste, Chernobyl (Ukraine, 1979), Fukushima (Japan, 1911), etc.  Perhaps, on a more local level, we bring to mind lead paint chips, and the like.  Whatever comes to mind, however, we look at both immediate and long term effects of the toxic waste on people.

There is toxic waste of a human variety as well, unfortunately.  There are some folks who are simply evil....as in evil.  Their hearts are so hardened and corrupted that one can almost feel evil seeping from their pores.  While, on occasion, some of those folks can seem quite nice and normal at first glance, their actions, behaviors, values, and mores soon give them away. 

I worked as a painter for quite a few years.  At one time I had two partners who were Christians, both well grounded in their faith.  We got a call for a job, and one of them and myself went to quote the job.  As soon as I got to the house, I just sensed that something was way, way off...though I couldn't put my finger on it at the time.  We quoted the job, and the quote was accepted on the spot, and work was to begin in a few days.  After we left, I told my partner that I wouldn't be working on this job...that something got my hackles up (even though the folks there seemed quite nice at the time) and that I felt that the house was evil.  No problem, the two partners took on the job without me...and within two days they began to wish they hadn't.  The folks were home during the painting, and both partners were wishing that they hadn't taken the job and wanted out.  Their reason....the people were evil, plain and simple evil.  Toxic people.

From time to time we all run into toxic people.  That begs the question....as Christians, how do we deal with those folks?  That is a tough question, is it not?  Based on my own experiences, I believe the following:

• toxic people are uncaring and unhappy, self centered and controlling, and godless
• the toxic people I've run across seem to be the handiwork of the devil himself
• toxic people will drag me down if I am around them for any length of time
• That said, the best I can do is to pray for those folks and pray that the Holy Spirit will touch their hearts at some time.

I don't hate toxic people, nor should any of us.  I hate that they are that way.  I also know that God never gives up on anybody.  Thus, I fully believe that my job is to raise them to God in prayer, repeatedly and often, and if I have to be around them...to be the best example I can be as a christian.

 

 

Make no mistake...I am not an elitist, nor should any of us be if we are to be Christians.  That said, it is incumbent upon each of us to recognize what will and what won't "take us down".  We also need to know our limitations...know and understand what our jobs as Christians are.  Being a caretaker for toxic people isn't one of them.  Praying for them is.

 

 



 

Choices

Probably every country music lover knows about George Jones.  Known as "The Possum", George had a unique voice that everyone recognized.  He was a legend in the country music community.  One of his later hits was a song by the name of "Choices", a soulful song that addressed bad choices made along the way.  I can't imagine anyone hearing it who wouldn't do just a little introspection of themselves as a result.  It resonated with almost every listener in one way or another because of the message.

We humans make choices every single day in one form or another.  Many are just choices to be made about daily living...what to eat, what route to take, etc, etc.  The ones that get us in trouble aren't those daily living choices however.  We have to make those choices....unless there is someone telling us what to eat, when to eat, what road to take, what task to do next, etc.

The choices that get us into the deep weeds are generally behavior centered are they not? 

• How do I react to that driver who just cut me off?
• How do I respond to a wife that is "nagging" me unmercifully?
• Or, is my wife really nagging me unmercifully?
• Do I really want to spend time with the kids when I get home and I'm dog tired?
• Do I really want to get up and go to church as a family on Sunday?
• etc
• etc.

Here's an interesting thing about choices.....we are the ones that make those choices, but so often we try to blame the choices we make on someone or some circumstance.  An escape clause is hiding there.  Oops, I made a bad choice, but it was because.....(fill in the blank).

There is only one bottom line about choices.  Whatever choices we make, it is WE who have made them, and we have to own them as well as the consequences of those  choices.  Our best hope, if we are to be better men, husbands and fathers is:

• grow to make more and more better choices and lesser and lesser bad choices
• forgive ourselves for the bad choices we have made
• and know that God is with us each step of the way
• and that He loves us no matter what.



Ordinary

A bit back we took the train to Chicago to hook up with our daughter and grand kids to have a "silly day" in the city.  "Silly Days" are fun days...no real plans, just a lot of improvising and spontaneity, and the only real rule is to enjoy the day to the max.  Sometimes, and especially for the kids, those are the best kind of days.  For example...silliness personified...we went to Marshall Fields and spent about 1/2 hour just riding the escalators.  Since there were 8 floors, there were a lot of escalators, and to the kids it was a real hoot.

Whenever I have taken the train in, I love to look at what we pass.  There is always some really interesting graffiti on the buildings.  On this day, however, it was a sign that really got my attention.  It took up a whole wall of the side of a garage, and it was very well done....and it advertised nothing.  The sign said "I want to be ordinary".  The whole wall was painted red, and the large letters, professionally done, were in black.

The sign really got me thinking....like why on the side of a garage?  I wondered what the intent was of it being there....unless it was simply for folks like me...to see it and to start to think.  My first thought was what is ordinary?  In a nutshell it means basically, nothing special, and...well, just ordinary. 

I'm thinking that sign is a great message for any man, husband, and father.  Here's why:

• each of us wants to be special to our wives and children.  That is very noble, and proper.  And that is exactly what ordinary men, husbands, and fathers should be. 
• each of us should want a solid and close relationship with the Lord.  That is an ordinary want because God made us that way.
• each of us is just a bit broken, and yet God loves us and accepts us as we are.  That is ordinary, because He understands us and forgives us.

Where we get into trouble in our lives is when we try not to be ordinary.  When we try to be something we aren't....like:

• when we make ourselves out to be that which we aren't....for whatever reason
• when we aren't humble
• when we turn behaviors on and off like a light switch
• etc

Jesus was the most ordinary of men ever to roam the earth.  He was a humble carpenter who understood and loved his mission, and fulfilled that mission with more love, compassion, and zeal than a whole country of us modern day men could ever achieve.  He, of all people, could have been "a legend in His own mind"....except He was ordinary.

I think sometimes we just waste so much energy and effort inwardly trying to build those legends in our own minds that we loose sight of how really easy and satisfying it can be to just be ordinary.

Yes, it can be hard to try to be just ordinary.  But isn't that just what God wants us to be?  Just ordinary folks living for Him?  No more, no less.

Hernia Repair

I heard something in a message today at church that just nailed me.  He mentioned that many of us may have spiritual hernias from carrying too much weight.  The weight, a result of what he called our human, almost ingrown need to do what he termed "thin slicing". 

"Thin Slicing":  zeroing in on the cultural, appearance, racial, economic, etc. differences of others we come in contact with.  In a way, profiling.  In a way, judging others by our own assumptions, which may or may not be good or fair assumptions (and usually aren't).

So how does "thin slicing" weigh us down so that we get spiritual hernias you ask.  Here's an example from my own walk down life's road. As I mentioned  in a post of a few weeks ago ("I Hate That"..3/27) I grew up with some very strong negative assumptions about any ethnic group other than white (and particularly blacks), and any who were not heterosexual.  In doing so, I was weighed down spiritually because my focus was on anything but the hearts of those others.  I would never have considered any, at the time, to be friends or folks to be with.  I carried their weaknesses and "faults" in an unhealthy context, instead of realizing that it was God's business....and I assumed that they had those weaknesses and faults just because of my own "thin slicing".  With that kind of "thin slicing" there is no room for unity, compassion, learning, or love.  And that is the weight that weighs down the heart and causes spiritual hernias.

In the everyday world, even as self professed christian men, husband, and fathers, how much do we "thin slice" and not even realize it?

• do we do it with the other kids our kids play with?
• do we do it with associates, customers, clients, at work?
• do we do it with others in our church?

Bottom line:  God doesn't thin slice at all....because He loves us all....unconditionally.  And if we follow Jesus, we too won't thin slice....and we won't get spiritual hernias.

 

If we put it all into God's hands, our spiritual hernias will be repaired.



Follow the Dog

We recently acquired a new dog.  He's a rescue....a wonderful 7 year old mellow golden lab who just loves everyone.  He just enjoys being around people, and especially kids....like our grand kids, who can come over and lay all over him.  I worry that he is going to do permanent damage to himself by wagging his tail so much !!  He's like so many other dogs---unassuming, gives unconditional love always, happy and content, and fun to be with.

Today I had a conversation with a gentleman at church that I consider, in addition to being a friend, a mentor of solid spiritual wealth....something I have needed in my life.  You know....and anchor, a rudder, a sounding board.  I mentioned to him that we had "sat" for some of the grandsons last night while mom and pop had a date.  Then I went on to tell him how I really felt inadequate as a grandfather, not unlike I had felt as a dad so often.  I related how my "role" models--the one grandad that I knew, and my father, were "stiff" around kids so much of the time.  Not really playful...just very, well....adult.  And I mentioned that therefore it was really hard for me to loosen up and be what I envision a great grampa should be.

He made an immediate and surprising comment.  He lit up and animatedly said three words..."follow the dog".  Norm knew of our recent dog find, and I had told him about the dog, so it was easy for him to paint the picture for me using the dog as an example.  He reminded me that the dog will meet the kids at their level, just as I should do.  I shouldn't hope that the kids would meet me at my level.  To the dog, meeting with them is a special play time...just as it should be for me.  Here is what I took away from that conversation, and I think it applies equally across the board for fathers and grandfathers:

• there are times (like when with the kids) that you don't need to take yourself so seriously
• be the kid you once were once again for a little while when they are around
• don't come into those special moments with baggage...the kids don't
• just be loose and happy and feel blessed by the time....it won't last forever
• those few moments may just be cherished by the kids much more than any of us can imagine

That's a pretty good starting point for fathers and grandfathers I think....just follow the dog !

Bathtime

Aren't there times when you just feel "grungy"?  Maybe you aren't really dirty...you just feel like it.  So what do you do?  Take a bath.  Baths and showers are universally a "feel good" thing.  Did you ever notice with little kids especially, how bath times are really happy times for them?  Baths for the little guys is a heart softening time...they almost always just seem happy and playful at those times.

As us guys go through our daily lives, as we walk down that road of life, there is stuff around us and within us that make us seem just a bit dirty or soiled.  It is called our brokenness.  None are immune from it.  It is inward dirt, soiling on the inside, grunginess of our soul.  How do you fix that?  Certainly jumping in the shower or bath isn't going to change that one bit.

The only means of cleaning a grungy soul is to take a blood bath.  That's right....a blood bath...the best bath ever for a man.  It won't affect your water bill at all.  And you don't have to dry off.  You don't even need to change clothes.

Jesus gave His life for us.  His blood washed away our sins....past, present, and future.

 

Think of it this way....the blood bath you got is the best bath you will ever get.



But it's dark outside

When it gets dark outside at night our sight is affected just a bit.  Driving down the highway on a sunny day, you come to a tunnel.  Though lit, it is still different.  Those into cave exploring know what really dark is, and how sight is affected.  In any of these situations, light is needed to help us see things.

There are times in every man's life when all we see is darkness.  Things get a bit rough at work, home life is hectic, cars break at the worst times for the dumbest reasons, bosses are crabby and out of touch, the kids always need something.  Yes, there are times when all we see as men, husbands, and fathers is not the end of the proverbial rainbow...but just a sense of darkness. 

It is at those times that we really need a moment by ourselves...a moment of reflection and introspection.  It is that time in our lives when we need to remember that there is a light...and that it is shining in our hearts....God's home within us.  His home within is always well lit...with rays of hope, calm, security, faith, joy and peace and most of all...darkness busting love for us.

We all have the ability within us to look away from the darkness and look toward the light...all we have to do is have a little faith:





You just never know

Quite a few years back I attended a men's breakfast and was fascinated by the conversation of one man that he was shared with me.  Lyle was a business owner, and quite successful.  At the time, I was in a pretty rocky area of my life.  I was riding the spiritual fence, and my personal life at the time seemed to be not much better. 

Lyle opened his short comments with this:  "I can't wait to get to heaven".  Then he went on to explain, and I was actually fascinated.  In an animated way he shared the following (I have paraphrased it to the best of my ability):

"You know, we come in contact with others all the time.  There are always other people around, people that we often know little about.  I can't imagine how exciting it will be to get to heaven and have a perfect stranger come up to me and say 'thank you'.  Not knowing what that person was talking about he would go on to explain...'years ago, Lyle, you didn't know what I was going through, but we were talking and you said just the right thing that got me to thinking about my relationship with God...you planted a seed in me which eventually grew....and it grew to the point that I am here today....all because of something you said to me that day.  It's so good to meet you again Lyle'."

Lyle went on to explain that he really felt it was all the little things a person can do that could be a pivotal moment that would impact another person and trigger or tweak a spiritual awakening in that person:

• saying something at the right time
• doing something at just the right time
• caring at the moment it was needed
• etc

Lyle concluded his comments with "you just never know".

All men can be like Lyle if they want to be.  Wouldn't it be kind of neat going through life thinking "you just never know"?

Billboards

Back in the day as you traveled down the highway, especially in the areas just outside of the metropolitan areas, you might have thought that you were in billboard heaven. It seemed like they were right on top of one another. Now, thanks to legislation, it isn't quite so bad as it used to be. I was always particularly by the huge billboards as one approached the border of Tennessee....you know the ones advertising the fireworks. Those billboards (and there are still many there) set the benchmark for making billboards.

We each have the potential to be a billboard. Many choose not to be a billboard, and this is accomplished by masking or hiding what we really believe. There's a saying we hear every once in a while..."he wears his emotions on his sleeve". That would mean that the "he" referred to is not afraid or ashamed to let his emotions show. And that isn't a bad thing...in fact, it is a great thing. What is wrong, after all, in being real, and not hiding it from others?

We can also be billboards as regards our spiritual lives. What greater example than to wear our Christianity on our sleeves? How many broken people might be helped if we all wore it on our sleeves? Talk about "truth in advertising"! I can't remember how many folks I came in contact with during the dark times in my life who I inwardly admired because they wore their faith on their sleeves. And I often thought with pangs of jealousy..."if I could only be like them". They were human billboards.

Other men do notice it when we are billboards. Many of those will not think of us as weird or odd. Many will look upon us with a sense of wonder, and perhaps yearning....and we never know where that momentary sense of wonder and yearning will lead that person.

Are you a billboard that other men, husbands, and fathers can look at with wonder and yearning? God can speak to those men through your billboard.

Scars are beautiful

When you looked at the title maybe you thought "this guy is nuts, there isn't anything pretty about scars".  Perhaps you have some scars from an accident or surgery.  Many folks do.  I had both shoulders replaced over the past couple of years, and yes I have the "zippers" showing as a result.

I'm not writing about those kinds of scars however.  I'm writing about the kinds of scars we all have.  These are the kind of scars that aren't readily visible to others.  These are the scars we carry inside from our past.  We get that kind of scaring from broken relationships, grievous mistakes we made, hurts inflicted on us by others, etc.  We bear those scars because we have been cut deeply. 

Our internal scaring is what makes us or breaks us as men, fathers, and husbands.  If, over time, we fail to identify those scars, see how they affect us as we interact with others, and fail to address them, they then become like scar tissue.  They become hard spots within us...at our core....our hearts.  A heart hardened by scar tissue affects our very being and poses a huge threat to our spiritual health.

Over the years, because of the life style I chose for so long, I accumulated a lot of internal scars, and my heart was affected.  It became hardened, and with that hardening came a long dark period....away from anything that represented spiritual healing.  Many experience the same thing just as many also experience the mad cycle that goes with it...."I have done much that is not right, and therefore I am bad, therefore I cannot be fixed, and now it is too late to try". 

God knows of our scars and what caused them.  Our scars don't bother Him....if we just bring them to Him, acknowledge them to Him, and ask Him to once again fill those scared hearts with His love.  At that moment He is seeing those scars as beautiful imperfections....something we can then each do.  While not happy over all the wrong choices I made along the way, I now think that my scars are beautiful....just as God does.  And I am proud of them because they have each, in some way, taught me to be a better man, husband, and father.  This can happen to everyone because God loves us all...no matter what.

 

because God certainly is !!



Where to look

"Up, down, looking all around".  That was part of a child's game from years back.  It is also what we do when we get into areas where we are uneasy, such as a neighborhood with a reputation for not being so nice.

It is also something that some folks do in their efforts to find God, love, or perhaps the right spouse.  A lot of effort is given in just "looking around", often with uncertain results.

How often do we give the same scrutiny to ourselves?  How often do we really take a solid look at ourselves, and what are the results?

 

A close look inward, will cause us to come to some really great conclusions:

• a look back at ourselves gives us a huge incentive to thank God for bringing us from our past to our current relationship with Him, and to thank Him for His forgiveness of that past
• a look forward cements our trust in God to walk with us through future difficulties
• a look around shows us where we can serve Him, and in what ways
• and a look within reminds us that He is always present with us, through thick and thin

I wonder how much time and effort I have wasted looking outward instead of inward?

 

 

Listening??

Picture a crowded party, lots of folks jabbering over each other, perhaps a band playing, servers shuffling dishes, etc.  It is a noisy picture.  Sometimes in those situations with all that extraneous noise we converse "politely"...we don't actually hear everything the person we are talking to says, but we pretend we do and we carry the conversation on anyway.  Each person in that conversation is perhaps doing the same thing.  Do you ever wonder how much was lost in that conversation?

Say you just got home from a nasty day at work, and on the way home traffic was horrific.  Once home, the kids are jabbering away with all the "exciting" kid stuff from that day.  All you really want to do is just kick the shoes off, sit back in the easy chair, and maybe have just a few quiet moments reading the paper.  While the dinner is still being cooked, the wife wants to come in and just share some moments with you.  Sometimes listening to that conversation is just hard to do.  I've done my share of "perfunctory" listening in similar situations.  You know...act like I'm listening, nod at the right time, give a grunt or two at the proper moment...but not really listening.

Sometimes our prayer life is pretty much like those two examples.  Sometimes not at all.  Sometimes even the opposite.  Like those times when we are so busy praying to God, that we are not praying with God.  We talk so much we can't possibly hear what He has to say....or we are just "doing our duty" by praying, and don't take the time to hear.

Prayer is a funny thing.  It is a two way street.  There are two talkers and two listeners...us and God.  He is always there to listen to us.  We are sometimes there to listen to him.

 

 

This may be one of the best prayers I can lift up occasionally.....just to remind myself that I talk too much.



I'm tired of waiting

Many of us are born with a serious lack of the patience gene.  Frankly, I am pretty certain that they ran out of those genes when I was still standing in the gene line.  Somewhere along the line someone invented the perfect saying for those of us who suffer that dreaded disease Patience Deficiency Syndrome (PDS)...."I want it, and I want it now"!  Sound familiar?

Folks, like me, with PDS will often display one or more of these traits:

• unwise spending at inappropriate times
• anger in certain driving situations (I tend to forget you just can't fix stupid)
• some unnecessary arguments or "discussions" with others who correctly evaluate situations before jumping right on in
• oh....the big one.....God, can't you please answer my prayer?  Like now?

It is hard for a person with PDS to submit issues to prayer fairly often.  Most folks with PDS are results oriented folks taken to the next level, because their time frame is N-O-W.  I'm guilty.  I have been praying for an unsaved family member for quite a long time now.  And at times I am really impatient because nothing is happening.  Yes, attempts have been made to enter into some meaningful discussions about it with that person....and yes, those attempts have been rejected.  It is up to the Holy Spirit to start the work within that person....but I am impatient.

There is an old saying about prayer..."be careful what you pray for".  I think that saying was coined by those who take prayer lightly.  Those more serious about the power of prayer will always remind themselves that God may answer how you like it, He may not answer how you like it, or perhaps He will wait.  I think committed prayer for a committed reason (as in the example above) works two ways:

1. He wants me/us to keep praying for the situation
2. and, by doing so in builds my/our faith in Him.

Sometimes we get tired of waiting.  There are some great examples in the Bible of some who never tired of waiting:



When I am tired of waiting, I really need to remember that.  There is a reason I am waiting...and if I can keep my PDS in check, I just might find out what that reason was !

Are you photogenic?

Have you ever known of, or heard of, anyone who hasn't experienced some negatives in their lives?  Have you experienced negatives?  What did you do with those negatives? 

• have you let them go?
• do they still rub you raw?
• do you carry them around inside and massage them (regrets, pity, shame)?
• or, did you learn from those negatives, turned them into positives, and move on?

Doesn't life itself, especially those parts of our lives over which we have absolutely no control, bring us all face to face with negatives (not of our own doing)?  Sure it does.  And that is why we really have no business carrying the baggage of our own negatives.  Doesn't it sound plausible that if we always make it a point to deal with our own negatives, learn from them, and grow from them that we would then be better equipped to instinctively react better to those that come at us from outside of our realm of control?

There is one major outcome of facing our negatives and owning them....dealing with them in a christian manner....we grow.  And when we grow, all of those around us are more blessed by our being....our family, our friends, and most of all ourselves. 

How photogenic is your life?  Are you developing from the negatives that come your way?



Whatcha hidin' there?

A silly kids game we used to play was "Guess What?"  One of us would have some object in our hands that we kept concealed and the others tried to guess what it was.  I think it may have been a game invented by our parents simply to keep us occupied.

A silly game (sad to say) that some Christians play is a version of "Guess What".  That version of "Guess What" goes like  this:

• at church or with known christian friends they are "quite" christian in what they say and how they act
• at work or play with everyday people who hold a different worldview they may not be quite so "christian" in what they say and do.
• at times of great stress (traffic is a good example) or anger....well, you see where this is going.

What those who play this game of "Guess What" lack is commitment.  Perhaps they are just pretenders, or maybe  (hopefully) just going through the growing pains (stages) of being early Christians. Sadly, however, there are folks out there who have hung the christian tag on themselves as a means of feeling as if they are doing the "right thing", or maybe they really are on the fence.  They are like chameleons.

I remember folks in my life who were truly committed Christians.  They weren't bible thumpers or in-your-face Jesus freaks.  They had simply accepted the principles of christian living as their guide and thus they didn't "go through the motions"....they lived their faith publicly.  In those early days I remember saying to myself "I hope I can be that way" because they were just real people who acknowledged their brokenness, but lived in such a way that there was no doubt that they were God fearing people who simply kept on trying.

In the darker times of my life when I was struggling with which path to take, I often made the grievous mistake of purposely not acknowledging a belief in God....because I was embarrassed by what my friends would say.  I am not proud of that chapter in my life.  I wasn't playing "Guess What."  I was hiding what I believed deep inside.  Hiding it !  Fortunately, that chapter in my life is past.  I no longer have a problem believing and living as a christian man.  I really don't want anyone guessing about me....because I never know when, just like those folks in my early life, I too might be an example to someone.



Where do you stand in this spectrum?  Do you hold it close to your chest, or wear it on your sleeve?

You never let go

Our past....your past, my past.  Is it safe to say that there are things in our past that we just find hard to let go of.  In my case, I had enormous difficulty letting go of my horribly sordid past of decades of decadent living.  I allowed it to control me, and in doing so it was impossible for two things to happen:

• I couldn't forgive myself
• and therefore, I couldn't conceive of the fact that God would forgive me.

It literally took an act of God (or rather a series of them, both directly and indirectly) for me to learn, and accept the fact, that God isn't carrying around a score card on which He notes that Joe's brokeness is worse than Jerry's brokeness.  But that isn't the most important thing for any of us to learn.  You see, when doing some reflective thought on my present spiritual condition as compared to where it was all those years, I came to terms with the fact that God was always at work...again, either directly or indirectly through other people...during that whole dark period of my life.  Now that is huge.  And it is equally huge to recognize that even now, as I continue to fail at times, He is still at work in me...just as He is in us all.

As I was listening to K-LOVE today, they happened to play one of Matt Redmon's songs...You Never Let Go.  Here is the chorus from that song:

                                                                   Oh no, You never let go
                                                                   Through the calm and through the storm
                                                                   Oh no, You never let go
                                                                   In every high and every low
                                                                   Oh no, You never let go
                                                                   Lord, You never let go of me.

God is like a tenacious bull dog...He simply never lets go.  Of us, that is.  He is NOT like our wives as we men are sometimes prone to joke about.  He doesn't hold our past over us.  In fact, and this is the single most important thing we should all learn and hold dear....He forgives us and gives us grace, no matter what when we bring our shortcomings to Him.

Sometimes we humans try to convince ourselves that if we are not "perfect" christians, then God will not forgive us.  Would not it be much easier just to accept the fact that we are broken, but doing everything we can to "fix" that condition?  That thought is made easier just by acknowledging to ourselves that God never let's go....no matter what.