A better place

Having just recently gone to a wake, followed by a funeral the next day at the funeral home, I felt a deep, deep sadness.  The deceased was a grown daughter of a friend of mine....a friend for a long time.  The deceased had gotten cancer about 30 years ago and gone into successful remission.....but it came back like a freight train going 90 MPH, and did its insidious thing with her.  Her last couple of years were nothing less than horrible.  We didn't know her well at all, just enough to say "hi" whenever she was out and about.

There is something inherently sad about a child dying before a parent.  It just doesn't seem right does it?  While I was sad about that, and sad that someone we knew had passed on, I was a lot sadder about one more thing in particular.  The father and each of the three surviving siblings kept talking about how she (the deceased) was going to a better place.  I felt it would be highly inappropriate of me to ask just what that meant.

You see, as far as I know, none of the family is churched, and therefore I would be pretty sure that none has any kind of relationship with the Lord.  I'm surely not being judgmental here.  I'm just saying what I see and know of the people.  If they lack any kind of a relationship with the Lord, which seems to be the case, that is the saddest part of this whole family event. 

When we hear someone in those circumstances say "going to a better place", are they referring to heaven?  Or, perhaps, are they referring to some mystical place where because a body is dead they no longer feel any pain (such as this gal surely must have felt)?  I personally think most folks are referring to the former...heaven.  But, sadly, I sense that their idea of heaven is perhaps much different that a believers Heaven.....sadly because they are choosing a word based not on knowledge and relationship, but rather on feelings.

We will all perhaps go to a better place at the end of our lives.  What is your better place?  How would you define your better place?  How will you live to end up at your better place when your time comes?  What can we do in our lifetimes to help others really understand what "a better place" really is?

Is others had not walked alongside me, and led me to the Lord, when I was at my worst (yes, I believe a sinful life is much like a cancer that consumes ones insides), I too might be going to a better place, but surely not the better place.  A lesson !

The list

To-do lists (on some occasions referred to by us guys as the "honey do" list---you know the times) are nice things.  Don't we usually make to-do lists when we are full of thought, energy, and a good sense of ambition?  Well, if not then, how about when we are really overwhelmed with sludge sloshing around in our brain and we simply don't want to forget some important things....so we make a list?  Or maybe, like when you are older like me, do you simply have to make one because your brain is just so jammed full of information that you need a list so something doesn't get lost in all that information?

Here's a finding about to-do lists.  Ok, maybe not quite so (as I made it up because it sounds impressive).  Anyway, my finding is....my lists are not like the one shown in the illustration.  They are long.  Way too long.  Way, way too long.  Almost. All. The. Time.  So I don't get everything done on the list in the time I gave myself to do it all.  Because?  Writing it all down is far easier and quicker than doing it all.....and, by the way, at the beginning the list sure looks impressive.

Here's what I have found about doing to-do lists.  No matter how many items are on the list...prioritize the items.  As I jot my thoughts down of stuff to do, I don't number them.  I'm not one to think in priority order, so I just slam the items down and then (after looking over the list to be sure I haven't missed a thought) I prioritize them.

Ok...so what does all this stuff about to-do lists have to do with being a better man, husband, and father?  How about this....on each to-do list you make up, how about adding this as one of the items:

 

"Thank God for this day and who I am"

 

Then, make that your number 1 item to attend to on your list.  Then proceed with items 2, 3, and so on.  Does it sound corny?  So what?  You'd be surprised at how much this little exercise will help you deal with trying to finish out your to-do list of items, and will also help you smile at the end...especially if you don't get everything done (almost always the case with my lists).

 

Oh, by the way....why shouldn't that be your number one priority each day....list or no list?  Just askin'!

 





Seasons

The past couple of weeks most folks have been doing seasonal stuff....like getting their yards cleaned up of the fall leaves and wilting plant life, and perhaps a bit of pre winter grass feeding to give it that boost once spring comes.  They've been doing all that, plus putting the yard furniture away for the winter, storing the lawnmowers, and prepping the snow blowers.  In other words, preparing for the next season.

As the upcoming winter comes to an end, folks will begin preparing for yet another season...spring.  They'll start thinking about gardens, flowers and plants, cleaning up any debris left over from the winter snow piles, yada, yada, yada. 

When speaking of Mother Natures seasons, almost everyone knows that there are preparations and thought that goes into each new season.  Many of our activities, as individuals and as families, revolve around seasons in some manner or another. So we think about them, and prepare for them so as to maximize our enjoyment of them.

How much thought is given to the seasons of our lives?  I would consider those to generally be:

• spring--birth to the 20's
• summer--20's to the 40's
• fall--40's to the mid 60's
• winter--mid 60's till death

There is a lot of flexibility in the life seasons of spring through fall, wouldn't you say?  While I don't really sense that any one life season is more important than any other (they all serve a purpose), perhaps if there was one that was slightly more important, it would be the winter of our lives.  I say that because it is the preparations that takes place in the summer and fall seasons that have such a profound effect on us when we reach that winter season.  I would include the following as important:

• have you prepared yourself relationally?
• have you prepared yourself financially?
• have you prepared yourself spiritually?
• have you prepared yourself intellectually?
• have you prepared yourself emotionally?

You don't think a lot about life's winter season until you get there.  Then it can be either "oh, my gosh", or "oh thank goodness."  Often, it is a bit too late to change the situation in any viable way...it becomes an "it is what it is"...because the clock's run out situation for you.

Seasons are nice.  Life seasons are much more difficult.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving day is traditionally a day when friends and family gather together and eat themselves silly.  In many households on that day, above and beyond the mostly friendly banter is the Thanksgiving day football game (NFL) on the T & V, and perhaps for the younger set a friendly game of flag football in the neighborhood park.  Above all, however, it is a day of thanks giving for almost everyone.

Our Thanksgiving day is pretty much like what was described above.  There are usually  a minimum of 20 folks over that day, sometimes it approaches 30 folks, depending on how many folks who have no family agree to come over to share the day of eats and fellowship.  I like Thanksgiving.  That was not always the case however.    Sometimes I didn't like some of the folks who would be coming, and that included some of the family.  At those times I wasn't happy, and it mostly showed.

Things are different now.  Because I am truly thankful, and especially so on this day which is a great day of remembrance for me.  The day serves to remind me that I'm not the man I used to be....lost and without a relationship with God.  Here's a short list of things I am thankful for on this day:

• that there were some others that allowed God to work through to bring about change in me.
• that those others were dedicated to the leading they felt, and carried it through
• that because of that I have recommitted my life to the Lord
• that in doing so I am not consumed with sin as I once was
• that there are those who today hold my feet to the fire
• that those folks love me and care for me in spite of my past
• and finally, that God literally directed me to my church, a place where I have learned more about grace, redemption, Christian love, and human caring than I ever thought would be possible.

I don't need to be thankful for all I have.....because I have it all.....a Christian way of life, the most important thing I have.  I have been blessed with a family that has stood by me in my worst of times, but even that pales next to what has happened to my heart and soul.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving, and with it remind yourself that no matter where you are in your walk, you are loved more than you will ever know by the God in whose image you are made, and that you do, indeed, matter to Him.

Lookin' down

I catch myself looking down more than I'd like.  Oh, I'm not talking about looking down at the pavement when I'm walking....that's ok. Yep, I'm one of those guys that gets a charge out of finding a quarter, a nickel, or even a penny laying there on the sidewalk, street, or parking lot.  I don't mind picking up someone else's lost change.

The looking down that I don't like about me is when I catch myself looking down at other people.  You do realize, don't you, that I'm not talking about short people here?  I'm talking about looking down at some others from the hand constructed pedestal I have built for myself.  You know the one I'm talking about....it's the one built from figments of my hyper-active imagination whereby I can somehow see myself as better than some others because I have a capacity to "thin slice" others based on all kinds of criteria:

• their color
• their handicaps
• their manner of dress
• their "stupidity"
• their sexual orientation
• their religion or beliefs
• their politics
• yada, yada, yada, yada

Does any of the above resonate with you?  Does the seat of your pedestal get as uncomfortable as mine does?  I catch myself looking down and I talk to myself about it.  I also pray about it, confessing it and asking not only for forgiveness, but for the strength to not do it.  And I have found that it is hard not to do it.  Just like so many other things during this tough walk down that long road of life.  I think we just have to look at the small victories when they come, and maybe not focus so hard on the long term.  When I do catch myself starting to get that "smug" attitude that comes from the pedestal, that is a victory...because I caught myself and backed away.  Have you experienced small victories like that?

Sometimes I just need to remember where I came from.  God surely helped me up when I was down there getting looked at.  And along the way, so many folks didn't thin slice me when I was there like a dirty old penny on the pavement.  They helped me up.  If I could only remember, who am I to look down at anyone.....anyone?



darned ol' DA

"Honey, I think we need to get a different car...we've had this one for a while"

'Let's go look at some model homes over the weekend"

"You know, I'd really like to move somewhere else"

"I think I'm going to change jobs...I'm just tired of this one"

"Maybe we should change churches, I'm getting bored here"

"No sweetie, I just can't get a divorce yet"

 

DA, otherwise known as destination addiction, is an insidious "itch" that can affect even the most unsuspecting guys.  It's more than the "7 year itch" or the infamous "mid-life crisis" people often joke about.  It's more, I believe, than the "itch" and so called "crisis" because it is not limited to just one thing...one's perceived love life, but rather it results from ones invented dissatisfaction with everything around him....his wife, his home, his stuff, his job, his church, etc.  DA's are not happy campers.  If one would be able to crack the shell he has encased himself in, the core root of the problem would be him himself....not everything around him.

 

DA's forget that no matter where they wake up, they are still themselves.  They fail to realize that wherever they are, when they look in that mirror, they will still be looking at themselves.  And, they also fail to realize that things and stuff just won't change their inner selves for any lasting time.  DA's are guys that just can't seem to find the handle on satisfaction, contentment, and joy.  And, lest you get too puffy with yourself, bear in mind that DA's are also often excellent pretenders.  They can pretend to be just perfectly happy with the way things are, just as they can pretend to be the most pious Christian in the house. 

 

Perhaps we all have a little bit of DA within us.  After all, we are human, and we do have baggage.  Since satisfaction, contentment, and joy are the key elements missing in the DA, what counteracts our yearnings for "change" and fulfills our longing for those three elements?  A good, solid, two-way relationship with the One in whose image we are made....God. 

 

 

If Christ is at your center, so will your satisfaction, contentment, and joy......your happiness.



How do you see yourself?

The Man in the Mirror

When I look in the mirror,

who do I see?

Do I see a stranger,

or do I see me?

Is the man that I see there

loving and kind,

or is the one staring back,

a man out of his mind.

One thing I’m sure of

as I stand there and stare,

if it’s not me I’m seeing

I’d best turn to prayer…

‘cause it a sign I’ve lost hold of

some things to hold dear…

like, being more Christ-like,

and keeping Him near.

If I can’t be comfy

seeing me in my skin,

it means I am living

with way too much sin.

 

 

Joe Miller, November 14, 2014 ©

 

 

 



More Random Thoughts

"It doesn't matter what you can't do with what you don't have."

 

"I follow Jesus.  When I'm dead, you'll know I caught up with Him."

 

"When our focus is on the cost of obedience, our hearts are in the wrong places."

 

"When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be."

 

"Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before."

 

 

Each of those is an "ism" to me....a lifeism.  Yes, I know, I probably invented a word there.  Lifeisms are nice.  They are short and to the point.  And their message carries a wallop, something that zings right to our core.  It's almost as if whoever first penned each "ism" was looking right at me.  Do you ever get that feeling?

 

Lifeisms cut right to the chase.  They aren't preachy or judgmental.  They just put the fact right on out there in front of us....and we buy into them because we know they are valid and true.  They address the man within....the one we so yearn for.

Random thoughts

Here's a bit of a collection of thoughts that have been picked up along the way.  They all apply to me....how about you?

"Interrupt someone's prayer by being the answer to it."

"Have you really prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?"

"I just do my job.  God gets the job done."

"People have opinions.  God has a plan."

"We are not saved because we are disciples.  We are disciples because we are saved."

"Get real.  When we fail to share the Gospel, it's not for lack of opportunity or training.  It's because we are cowards."

As applies to me, there are a few "ouch's" in that short list.  How about you?

Jesus moments

"I'm feeling so small

Standing here weeping

As I'm coming clean

Of the secrets I'm keeping

I've caused so much pain

To the ones I love most

And I'm falling apart

As I carry my heart to Your throne"

 

 

That's the first part of a song by Among the Thirsty called Completely.  Whenever I hear that song start, I really listen to this first part because that is sometimes me.  Those are the times when I wish it was me all of the time.  Those are the times when I am waaaaaaaaay out of myself, and where I belong.  And you know what.....those times don't happen often enough do they?

 

The song ends with this:

 

"I let Your gifts take place of you

But you pulled up my selfishness by it's roots

I am broken and fragile me

But I'm where You want me to be.

 

I am completely surrendering

Finally giving You everything

You're my redeemer, I run to the cross

Because You are more than enough

Lord, complete me

Cause I'm Yours completely

Lord complete me

Cause I'm Yours completely"

 

It is then that I am so reminded that I am redeemed !! It is then that I am having a Jesus moment.  It used to bother me that I had Jesus moments.  Not the fact that I had them, but that I didn't have them all the time....like I thought I should.  Now....it doesn't bother me at all.  I am crazy about my Jesus moments.  I love my Jesus moments.  I live for my Jesus moments.  Why?

 

I think Jesus moments don't tell us what we are missing in our lives.  Rather, they tell us what we have in our lives, and what we can get more of if we just try.  You see, we are humans.  We make mistakes and we fail.  That's a result of our wrong choices and actions.  But on the flip side, we also win in those choices and actions, and when we do we will find a Jesus moment.  We'll never have Jesus moments 24/7/365.  It ain't a gonna happen!  Not on this earth anyway.  But the more we put ourselves together, continue to grow in Christ, and make more and more right choices, the more Jesus moments we can expect.  And need I say that I think our eternity, if we do that, will be one huge, unending Jesus moment?

All those walls

I've worked a bit of construction in my time.  During that time, I built my share of walls.  As part of the process of building a home, one of the first things done after the basement walls and floors are poured is to put the plates on top of the poured walls and then build the main floor of the structure.  Once all the floor joists are in place, the sheeting is put on and there is now a nice solid "platform" on which to construct the walls, which are laid out flat and made on the floor.  Once completed, it is raised into position and secured.  On to the next wall.  Before you know it, all of the exterior walls for that level are in place.  Then all the interior walls are made in place, so that when that level of the house is complete it is visually easy to see where each room is.  The same process takes place for any added levels to the house being built.  Walls separate one room from the other, just as the outer walls separate the outside from the inside.

I've also done something that I'd guess most of us have....whether we are builders or not.  In fact one doesn't have to know anything about construction to do what we have done.  We've built walls within us, and yes...around us.  These are walls that no one sees....though they can often sense that they are there.  For example:

• we build pretty strong walls around that place within us where we keep hidden all of our secrets about us...the ones we don't want anyone to know about
• we build walls around our emotions us guys do, because we don't want to appear "soft" or unmanly.  
• we build walls around certain aspects of our psyches, those we don't want to share with those closest to us...our spouses and children
• we build walls around the "real" us, that part of us that we don't want our church friends to see
• and more

It's a funny thing about our walls.  They are fairly easy for us to build. But, unlike those of a house, it gets a little dicey addressing our walls and removing them.  Oh, and one more thing....there is One in our lives who not only sees around our walls, but sees right through them.  Yep, that would be God.  You see, if we would just be fully transparent with God, include Him in all we do, commune with Him all we can, and keep in constant contact with Him, we wouldn't need all those walls.  We wouldn't need any.  Because with Him as our foundation, there is no need for walls at all.  Houses..yes!  Us.....no!

Surprise !!!!

Do you like surprises?  Let's change that a bit....do you like nice surprises?  No one likes surprises that come as a result of bad news or events do they?  But almost everyone likes nice surprises.  There is one event that often comes as a surprise to folks....the death of a family member or someone they know.  When sickness or illness isn't involved, death comes as a surprise quite often, and with good reason....it occurred outside the limits of reasonable expectation.  It's a shame that the deceased couldn't enjoy the surprise.

It's a reasonable fact to say that indeed, no one knows when the last goodbye is, isn't it?  If that is a reasonable fact, might not it be also reasonable to prepare ourselves spiritually for that one last time we say goodbye.....even if we don't know when that will be?

Maybe we need to strengthen our focus on not being surprised after our death, by living in Christ before our last goodbye.  The only surprise I want then is to find out that eternity is so much more than I could ever have imagined in my worldly dreams.

Are you ready for your last goodbye?



EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. !!!

 

Hmmmmm.  Are there not 365 days in each year?  Seems to me there might just be a Divine purpose for those 4 words.  Duh !!

 

God knows us humans like the back of His hand.  He made us, after all.  And He knows that we will carry fear within us, just as He knows our propensity to "fix" everything all by ourselves.  Don't you think He might just have ordained that phrase to be in His bible for the express purpose of reminding us multiple times that we can rely on Him...that we don't have to be afraid.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.



It's the hands that matter

"I got it"

"I can handle it"

"I've got it under control"

"I can do it"

"I know"

 

Beside the "I's", isn't there a common thread in all of the above?  Sure there is....it's all about control.  That's something most of us guys are real familiar with isn't it? Com'on...aren't we all at least just a little bit control freakish?  Oh, and that would include those of us who are trying to live the Christian life.

 

Our inherent need to control comes right along with our brokenness and humanness.  Sometimes I wonder if I don't have a supercharged c chromosome in me that drives my thinking.  I actually catch myself at saying or doing something in a controlling way....and I hate it every time it pops up.

 

It is that inherent desire within us to control that drives us away from that which will help us the most to get away from that same desire.  It all comes down to a pair of hands.  A pair of hands that matter....really matter.

 

Those who leave everything in God's hand.....

 

will eventually see God's hand in everything.

 

You got that?  Can you handle that?

Raising those children

It's no piece of cake raising those children is it?  I have never heard anyone, ever, say that it was a piece of cake.  I'm not just talking about the moms who are around them the most.  I really do believe it is just as hard for us guys that have, or have had, children, as it is the moms.  Generally speaking, we are the providers for the whole family unit, and share an enormous responsibility by being the figurehead of the household.  All that we say and do is constantly absorbed in those sponge like brains of our children.  All that we say and do has a huge part in how they are shaped and molded, and thus what they will become as they age.

James Dobson hit it right on the head when he came out with this:

 

What is the key word in that passage attributed to Dobson?  Responsibility !!!  Do you view your child raising as a responsibility or an obligation?  What would be the difference between the two?

 

 

It is not uncommon, that despite our best intentions, efforts, and prayers as parents, that one or more of those children we've raised just seem to go completely in the opposite direction.  It happens.  Many survive, and cross the river and come back.  For some, it takes a long time.  Some may, sadly, never make it back. Those are few and far between.  If, in your heart of hearts, you are secure that you gave parenting your best shot, and your child went across the river, Dobson has a message for you:

 

For the sake of the argument, say you are in the middle of your parenting season of life.  Say you feel perhaps you haven't been doing this thing wholeheartedly and with priorities fully straight on focus.  Do you know what?  It is never too late to change things.  Especially when you are looking at something as important as lives.....those of your children.

 

How are you at raising your children?



Just dying

"I'm just dying to see that show"

"I can't wait, I've been dying to go to that concert"

"I'm dying to see if I get that new job"

"I'm dying to get there"

 

How many times in our lives have we used the term..."I'm dying..."?  Of course, we've heard it a lot too haven't we?  An anonymous source came up with this one:

 

First I was dying to reach the teens.

Then I was dying to finish high school and get to college.

And then, I was dying to start my career job.

Then I was dying to marry and raise a family.

Then I was dying to climb the corporate ladder.

Then I was dying for my kids to finish college.

Then I was dying to retire.

And now, I am dying, and suddenly I realize I forgot to live.

 

No matter where you are in life, perhaps you may find some (or all) of that applicable.  Isn't it all about priorities, this thing about living?  Don't we tend to spend a lot of time, thought and effort "dying for's" and "dying to's", when the only thing that really matters is that we learn to live....live our lives the way God intended us to?  Hey, He even supplied us with a how-to manual..it's called the Bible.  And there is a direct customer care line available as well, and it's free...it's called prayer.

 

We know with certainty that some day we are going to die, right?  Isn't it far more important to be dying to get to Heaven than all this other stuff?  I'm thinking that if one is committed to think solely about that, all those other "dying to's and for's" will all take care of themselves according to what God knows is best for you and I.

 

I'm dying to find out !  Aren't you?

You are beautiful !!

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can't you see
Your everything I hoped for
Your everything I need
You are so beautiful to me

Such joy and happiness you bring
Such joy and happiness you bring
Like a dream
A guiding light that shines in the night
Heavens gift to me
You are so beautiful to me

 

Do those lyrics (the whole song there) ring a bell?  It was first sung by Joe Cocker, and became a number 5 hit in 1975, on his album I Could Use a Little Rain.  That song has always had an effect on me....way back in '75 until present.

 

It's a shame, isn't it that when we talk or think of beauty or beautiful that so many stereotypes play a role in what we consider beauty or beautiful.  Which kind of lends credence to the oft repeated comment....beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Sadly, many, many folks buy into the stereotypical "definition" of beauty and focus on that rather than those things which really matter in life isn't it?

 

At the core, in our hearts, it really shouldn't matter if someone is fat, ugly, maimed, handicapped, mentally different, black, orange, or green should it?  In our heart of hearts we should be able to look past all of those things and know that that someone is a beautiful person, right?  But, we don't do that too much, do we?  Why is that so?

 

Let's try this.  Let's agree that there is only one Beholder....and that One is God.  We are ALL His children, and we are ALL beautiful to Him. It's kind of strange isn't it......that we are all made in His image, and yet we can't see beauty the way He does.  I know I don't.  Do you?

 

Perhaps, just perhaps, if we just started thinking of ourselves as beautiful,  because our God that loves us so does, we might just start to think of all others as beautiful.  Especially since we know all about our dirt and flaws....and we don't know squat about that of others (only their outward appearance).  Go ahead and say it...."I am beautiful".  Say it again....like you mean it!  Post a sticky note on your mirror to remind you each day.  You are beautiful.  When you can do that, you are no longer the eyes of the beholder, and those eyes are right where they belong....with God.

 

If you want to hear the song that goes with that lyric....listen up.....and imagine it is God singing, and not Joe Cocker.

http://vimeo.com/17303155

 

thanks Tim Southerland

Well ?

This is short and sweet....but a lot to think about !

When you meet someone for the first time, how long does it take them to figure out that you are a Christian?

Oh, did I forget to add that when you meet them you aren't at church?

Now think about that one.

What do they see?  What do they surmise?

Got a tattoo?

You see a lot of tattoos these days.  It's almost the thing to do it seems.  When one is looking at pro football or basketball, it seems as if almost every player not only has a tattoo, butt rather that they have been painted with tattoos.  And nowadays you see so many youths with tattoos.  We had a neighbor a while back that had a daughter in her early 20's.  A pretty young thing.....but loaded, and I do mean loaded, with tattoos.  I always wondered what she would look like by the time she hit 65 or 70.  And they are pretty permanent I guess, unless one wants to go through the expensive process of getting them removed.

Words are a lot like tattoos.  How easy is it to get into a "discussion" with, say, your wife or kids and things go a bit farther than you afterwards wish they had?  Like, to the point that you say things that as soon as they leave your mouth you wish you could just stuff right back in there and forget they ever came out.  The damage is done.  No matter how you apologize, they came out and did some amount of damage to that other person.  Those words that came out are like a tattoo and they wear like one.

I don't have any tattoos inked on my skin, but I can sure tell you I have pasted more than my share on myself by the way I have spoken to people along the way.  Those tattoos are not as easy to remove as the inked ones.....let me tell you.

Do you have any tattoos.....the ones you have pasted on others?

Maybe the next time we get into dialogs with others, and have the sense that perhaps the discussion is going downhill instead of uphill, it would be good for all of us to think of tattoos.

On the edge.....or not

 I can't take anymore...

I feel like I've been pushed to the edge...

I just don't know what to do...

If I only knew how this was going to turn out...

I've had it....

I feel all tied up in knots....

I don't know where to turn...

I feel like I've reached my breaking point...

 

What do those statements sound like to you?  To me, they all sound like a place I have been at different points in my life when faced with crises, problems, upheavals, discouragements, fear, and the like.  It happens to us all at some time during our lives, and to some more than others.  Agree?

 

I think we have available to us just two options when circumstances lead us to make those kinds of statements.  We can rely solely on ourselves to get us out of the jam or situation which led us to that point, or we can rely on God.  Even ignoring the issue falls under the first option, because in doing so one is simply saying.."I'm not doing anything, I'll gut it out".

 

How about this for a radical thought?  Maybe God has pushed you to the edge!!!  And that might well be without your even knowing it.  Consider this....we are His children.  Could it not be that by pushing us to the edge that what He is really doing is more big-picture in nature....actually pushing us toward Him?  After all, is He not our protector?  Does He not care for us?  So I'm inclined to think there is a method to His madness (tongue in cheek there):

 

 

 

Remember the next time you feel like you are carrying a load you're not liking....God knows the big picture for all of us.  You're either going to land safely or fly right through it.  Just trust !!!!

Our destiny....for real???

des·ti·ny

noun \ˈdes-tə-nē\

: what happens in the future : the things that someone or something will experience in the future

: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future

 

Folks sometimes talk about destiny.  People think about their "destiny".  We may hear such things as:

• "he was destined to be great", or whatever
• "he was destined to be a failure", or whatever
• "you'll 'find' your destiny"

I'm not so sure I like the word destiny, because I'm pretty sure none of us knows what is going to happen in the future if the above description of destiny is true.  Since the description is from Merriam-Webster Dictionary, I really do have a lot of faith in its description.  I also have a lot of trouble with the 2nd part of the description..."a power that is believed to control what happens in the future".  What is the name of that power?  Who believes it is to control in the future?  Is the future in the next couple of minutes...or hours..or days...or what?

I've always been the kind of "what will be, will be" guy.  I never thought much about what my "destiny" was, or would be....and that was because it really was, after all, out of my hands.  Sure, I controlled my decisions that could and would affect my future, and yes, I controlled my actions that likewise had an effect (or could have) on me in future time.....but, is that really destiny?  I think not.

This pretty much sums up my views on destiny:

 

By thinking or worrying about our destiny, aren't we really just trying to wrestle a bit of control of our lives from God?  Aren't we kind of snubbing our nose at Him, by declaring that we know better what is or isn't right for us than He does?  Surely, if God is at the center of our being, all we really have to do is listen.....He will lead us right to our real destiny....not the one we have perhaps made up for ourselves.

 

How much control are you willing to give up to find your real destiny?



The garage

I've never seen a poll about it, but I would have to wonder what the results would be of a poll such as this:  "Do you use your garage as a store room for stuff, or do you actually park your car(s) in it?  And, if you park your cars in it, is it a tight squeeze because of accumulated stuff?"

We went for years and years without a garage.  In the north with north type weather.  You know, ice and snow.  Yuk.  So when we built the garage, it was a well planned project:

• it had to be heated so I could work out there in winter
• it had to be oversized as much as codes would allow
• it had to have a "man cave"  a room large enough to allow a group of guys to meet (and indeed it is..complete with fridge, cooking plate, cabinets foe supplies, plenty of room, and a urinal in a private corner).  And carpeted, and a large picture window.  A man cave for sure.
• plenty of easy access overhead storage space for stuff, so there is a walking attic.
• and there was one rule...the two cars would be parked INSIDE.

Over time, you can guess what happened.  Yes, the cars were still parked inside each night.....but every square inch if other space (including the man cave) ultimately became a depository for stuff.  Until recently it became a storage bin with room for two cars.  Bad.

So I spent the last three days taking it back to its roots...a usable garage with a room where my small group could proudly meet should they want to.  Out went a lot of stuff (you know the kind....I might use that someday).  Up went a bunch of cabinets I had the good fortune of picking up off a renovation job, and now the usable stuff is all in a logical place, and in order.

As I spent time on the project I kept going back to the fact that my life (my head and heart) is a lot like the garage.  I need to keep my head and heart free of useless clutter so that I can focus on what is important to my spiritual growth.  And, just like the garage, it is really quite easy to clutter it up with useless junk.  Thank goodness, through prayer, scripture, church, community (men's group), and close relationships with other Christian men it has become much easier to keep my life garage clean and usable than the garage for our cars.  Oh, the clutter in my life garage?  It's called sin and it accumulates just as easily (if not more so) than the clutter and junk in my car garage.

How's your garage....both of them?

Lack of trust

In pretty much all of our relationships the trust factor plays a key role.  Right?  And we talk about the trust we have, and seek, in those relationships.  Now, we're not just talking about marital relationships or romantic relationships.  How about....all relationships?

• employee/employer
• friends
• work associates
• church friends
• repairmen
• and many more

How does one actually go about trusting someone?  What exactly is trust?  Most likely, if you were to ask 12 different folks those questions, you'd get a variety of answers...and some would not be very similar.  So is it safe to say that each person's view of trust is based primarily on their own life experiences and the baggage they may carry?  To carry it further, what is it that makes you feel as if you are trusted?  Again, if asked of the same dozen folks, how would the responses vary, and why?

 

I have a sister (age 72) who has spent her whole life as a "special child".  Age, as regards her, is only a chronological number.  This warm and wonderful child trusts everyone.  Everyone.  Why...because she loves everyone she comes in contact with.  And she trusts them.  That is inherently how she has been all of her life !  She was born that way, and never changed...or got changed by the ways of the world.  Like, unfortunately, most of us have.

 

I believe that we were all born like Maryanne...pure, gentle, kind, loving (and therefore trusting), and sweet and innocent.  She never lost those qualities, because through the grace of God she was never capable of losing them.  The ways of the world have rarely affected her.  We...that's right, you and I, are a different story.  We don't trust others until something or other is proven, because we have bought into the ways of the world....all of our lives.  We live with an underlying lack of trust...of others and of God.  There is a biblically based reason for my saying that:

 

 

Sissy's life has always been filled with simple joy. How truly joy filled is yours?  How much do you truly love others first?  And to get right down to it....just how much do you really trust God?



Stuffing stuff

Us guys hold a lot pretty close to our chests don't we?  Maybe the gals do as well, but I can't really discuss that because I'm not one.  So I'll stick with what I know a little bit more about...us guys.  I know that as a rule we have hard time:

• being really transparent
• being brutally honest about what we're thinking (what's going on inside)
• sharing with other men on a deep level (gasp)
• letting other men help us when we are hurting or confused inside.
• etc.

Somehow it just doesn't seem "manly" to do any of the above does it.?  And who really wants to let the cat out of the bag that we do have frailties, hurts, needs & wants, deep concerns about ourselves and the likes?  It's almost as if we have some extra chromosome attached to our testosterone that inherently whispers to us "hey, you're a man and that's all girlie stuff dude!".  So we tend to stuff that stuff don't we?

One of the things I really, really like about church is that there are men's small groups.  And from what I have seen, it takes a while for them to gel to the point where the men in the group all get the sense that it is a "safe" men's group.  That would be the type of group where the guys have come to completely trust one another, so that whatever is shared there, stays there, and is talked about with compassion, openness, honesty, and from a spiritually focused standpoint.  Once a group reaches that level of closeness, where the testosterone is shoved aside and the humanness is allowed to prevail, good things happen and men begin to change.  Are you in a men's group?  Is it a close knit group like the one described?

Might I add one more little observation about this kind of group?  I am finding out more and more that what I am thinking and feeling does not make me unique or different from the others in the group.  Quite the opposite....even when everything you sense may be telling you differently.  Brothers...we are way more alike than we might suspect.  We just don't know that until trust has reached such a level that we will be open about what is really going on inside.

Stuffing stuff, it seems, just doesn't cut the mustard in our hearts. 

Maybe, if you're not hooked up, it might just be up your wheelhouse to get involved in a group.  And if you're in a group that perhaps hasn't fully reached that "safe" level where stuff gets unstuffed....well, why not get with it and break the ice?  They won't bite you.  I'm guessing a cool unanimous sigh of relief will be heard.....because they are all stuffing stuff just like you.

A conversation

Just a couple of days ago I was privy to hearing one side of a conversation,  It went pretty much like this:

"You know, I call myself a Christian,  I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I walked away from it for a while, but came back...after which I have a much clearer idea of just what grace and redemption is and where I stand.  I am so much more at ease now, and content with my relationships, particularly with God.  I know I still sin, and I bring that to the Lord in prayer.  I talk with Him a lot.  I talk with others about the inherent brokenness that comes with being human, just as I talk about God's redeeming grace.  The truth is, I am plagued by my propensity to continue to sin and do things that aren't Christ-like, and it haunts me, sometimes, that I consider myself a Christian.  It is those times when I feel most hypocritical.   I love my "new" life in Christ, but I hate the fact that I am apparently so weak that I continue to sin so regularly.  I know I am better, that my heart is softer, and that my head is clearer, and that thus I am a better man and person for it.  But somehow, deep inside I still feel that I am a failure....because I still do things, and behave in ways, that don't glorify the God that saved me in the first place."

I have to ask....do you ever think of such things during times of close self examination? 

Hearing conversations, such as the one above, is, I believe, normal....and really healthy.  I think they are good conversations...both to speak and to hear.  That conversation was between me and me when I was out strolling with the dog the other day. It drove home the point, again, that the more I know about me, the more I need to know.  And the more I grow, the more I need to grow.  My new life isn't about perfection.  It's about my own spiritual growth....from spiritual baby to spiritual maturity...and that is a process.

Whenever one has those kind of conversations, he should be glad.  It shows that there is growth taking place.....and that is very pleasing to God,s eyes.  That is all He is asking for.  We just need to trust that no matter what, through our doubts and fears, He is there...with us and for us.

Fools & Wallets

Did you ever hear the old saying "a fool and his money is soon parted"?  I have no idea where it came from, but I do know it applies to me much more often than I would like.  Some of us didn't quite grow up yet....we have a hard time learning not to spend it like we have it.  That's how I grew up...not because of a lack of wisdom passed on from the parents, but rather because of bullheadedness on my own part.  Some folks just have to graduate from the school of hard knocks at times in their lives.

A few days back, at church, a couple of things said during the message reinforced what I have come (at this late stage of life) to understand and appreciate:

1. "The way we view God determines how we do life",
2. and "all you think you own, you owe".

How does this tie in with fools and wallets you ask?  First for the fools;  the fools focus is on himself first and foremost, and then God, when it's convenient.  And, that said, the fool won't recognize that all that he has (that he thinks he owns) he owes to God.  Without God, he wouldn't have it.  Now for the wallets:  If we view God as the giver of all (yes, He didn't hand you money and stuff, but He did give you the ability to achieve it), then we will share a reasonable portion of that (our wallets) for Kingdom work).  And, we will do so with joy because we know that that which we own, we owe to Him.  Pretty simple.  Of course, scrooges won't understand that will they?

Scrooges might think that the Christian man who opens his wallet to return a share of whatever he has for Kingdom work is a fool.  He just might utter that old saying in fact. 

Let me share something personal here.  I went for a looooong time giving out of a sense of obligation and guilt.  And I was stingy about it.  And, I never felt blessed about it.  And, I couldn't stand myself for it.  When I started to cross that bridge, it was a leap of pure, blind faith.  And with that came a huge sense of relief and inner calm, because somehow I started to feel that what I was giving wasn't mine to begin with....I was simply being allowed to hold onto it for a while and make choices about what to do with it.  And I knew that I was then making good choices.

It kind of makes me think that the scrooges are the fools, even with their fatter wallets.


thanks Gordon

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine what it would be like not to be able to talk?  Pause, for just a moment, and ponder on just how many words came out of your mouth during the course of the day.  We talk, and we talk a lot....even in the short span of a day.  A lot comes out of our mouths.  Words, and how we speak them, can run the gamut from very, very good to very, very bad.  Words can:

• hurt others beyond belief
• sting and burn
• provide tremendous joy
• uplift someone
• tear someone down drastically
• comfort someone in need
• build bridges
• tear down bridges
• build relationships
• bury relationships
• and mostly....they can tell a whole lot about us, who we are, and what we are.

Just think....if you weren't able to talk, might the opinion of others who know you be different?  A scary thought, huh?  Our mouths, and what comes out of them can be the most beautiful part of us, or it can be one of the ugliest parts of us.  Agreed?  That is because what comes out of our mouths is a reflection of what is in our hearts and minds, a mirror if you will.  I am convinced that is a fact, because I know myself all too well.  Too often, too many words have come out of my mouth that I wanted to grab and stuff back in.....and it can't be done.  It's far better to take the time to taste the words before you spit them out.  That's not always easy is it?

Perhaps this bit of Sufi wisdom would help us all:

Oh, and if you (like me) find yourself, on occasion, wanting to stuff words back into your mouth as soon as they leave....maybe a bit of a continuing conversation with God will help.  He's pretty good at helping us straighten out our brokenness. 



Warts

Toads aren't very pretty creatures at all.  In fact, many might consider them ugly.  They're not liked very much either by us humans and that may be because they have warts all over them, unlike frogs.  What little boy doesn't like frogs?  But how many of those same little boys like toads.  Even the name "toad" is a negative sounding name I think, whereas "frog" is a fun name, again as evidenced by the fact that the little guys always like scaring the little girls with frogs if a handy lizard isn't around.  And there isn't a menu around that ever advertises toad legs as far as I know. 

Speaking about warts, there is one kind of wart that symptomatic of many of us humans....and that is the worry wart.  Are you a worry wart?  Worry warts, and especially Christians who are worry warts have just a wee bit of an issue they need to deal with.  You see, there is a huge difference between having concerns, and being a worry wart.  One who has concerns will share those concerns....with God, because he trusts that God will guide him on the right path to deal with those concerns.  A worry wart, however, is much more selfish and controlling.  He wants to massage and hold close that which is "bothering" him.  To share it with God, and then trust God for the outcome, would simply mean losing some control.  Maybe that is why warts are perceived as ugly.

From my own observation, worry warts are not as happy as the folks that just have concerns.  Could that possibly be a result of the concerned one knowing he has a trusting, open,  and loving relationship with God?

What else can be said besides what does the concerned one do with that which concerns him?  He shares them through prayer with the God he knows he can trust, the same God that loves him no matter what, and the same God who will provide peace and direction.





Dare to be different

 

 



Sometimes it's hard. 

 

Sometimes it's a challenge. 

 

Sometimes you feel that you just can't do it. 

 

Sometimes you doubt yourself.

 

Sometimes you think you want to give up.

 

I remember vividly thinking of one person or another during the course of my life....."I wish I could be like him."  I thought those thoughts because I was living a lifestyle on the other side of town from those I was thinking about....Christian men who were dancing to their own rhythm, and did not care what others thought about them.  I guess inwardly I just sensed that they were right and I was not all right.

 

Over time, and some false starts, I'm trying earnestly to live the life of a Christian man.  Those 5 sometimes up above all have applied to me at one time or another.  Why?  Not so much that I care so much about being different, but I've still got this little flaw in me that shouts out at me every once in a while..."hey man, you gotta be sure that everyone likes you".  What does that mean?  That every once in a while I will find myself dancing to their rhythm, instead of the one I have chosen....because I have lost track at that moment that I only need to dance to the Rhythm that Christ has given me when He made me a new man.

 

I don't know if that struggle will ever end.  I suppose I'll know the answer to that when I reach the end of the trail.  I don't know if any of us knows.  What I do know is that I'm glad I know that I dance differently at times, that I catch that, and that I can get right back in step and be forgiven.

 

How do you dance? 

Down & Dirty

An interesting day today.  I got some good stuff done and in doing so was able to see a parallel or two between what I was doing and my life.  Maybe some of you will be able to relate.

Today I got down and dirty.  I used to do it a lot back in the day, but nowadays with the combination of age and some physical limitations I just don't do it so often any more.  I always thought it was kind of fun getting all down and dirty.  It kind of fit my style....and taste.

You see, we decided that it was time to get a new toilet in one of the bathrooms.  That decision was helped along by the fact that twice in quick succession the wax ring underneath (that thing that keeps your floors from getting flooded by the stuff released by the flush) gave way two times in pretty rapid succession...and obviously the 2nd of those was a newly installed ring.  We had a graphic symptom of a deeper issue, and that was verified by the plumber who came to visit...we needed some new piping underneath the toilet...the one the toilet connects to.

The plumber got the old toilet out (can I say yucky please?) and then came the good news.  They can put the new toilet in, but that old nasty flooring down and around the newly replaced pipe had to go.  My job ! Down and dirty.  So today it was out with the old, and in with the new.....with a few curve balls...literally.  You see, nothing in a very old house is too close to being square.  Down & dirty.  Ripping fully abused carpeting, on top of fully abused tile, on top of fully abused subflooring,,,,all I can say is YECH !!  No problem, Captain Nemo.  A trip or two (or maybe three, to be normal) and a time span of a couple of hours bonding with an assortment of tools, and wow !.....a new floor that looks unreal.  Down and dirty was worth it.

I've known a few people, myself included, who were like this job.  I had a life that just couldn't stay on track, no matter what was tried. Then one day this people plumber (He was called the Holy Spirit), came to work on me and ripped the old me out of me and tossed it away.  And that's when I found out that I had to get down and dirty and get rid of all those layers of crud I had allowed to build up within me so that the new me would not only look and be nice, but would work well. 

I'm just a bit different than the toilet project just finished.  It looks nice and will function well.  It's just a floor and a toilet, and all the down and dirty work is finished.  I'm not sure at all that the down and dirty work that needs to get done within me will ever get done.....but that's just the nature of the beast....after all I'm human, and a broken one at that.

How about you?  Do you still have some down and dirty business to take care of?  If so....what's stopping you>