Saturday, January 31, 2015

No U-Hauls

 
 
It's been said, jokingly, that there is a parking lot outside of the Pearly Gates reserved for the trailers and trucks of those folks who thought they might be able to take it with them when they die.  Yep, there are no U-Hauls on the golden streets of Heaven.  While it is a "joking" kind of truth, there are folks who do life in such a manner so as to suggest that doing the life grind is all about accumulating such things as wealth, fame, stuff, fancy toys, accolades, and the list goes on. 
 
What so often suffers the most with those poor souls is their relationship with others, and with God.  They are seemingly living full lives, but without healthy relationships with others and with God, aren't their lives really, in the long term scheme of things, shallow?  They have succumbed to the "monster of more." 
 
 
Are you more interested in what you're going to put into your U-Haul or all of those, including God, with whom you need to be in relationship?



Friday, January 30, 2015

Getting up for it

Getting up in the morning is sometimes a pretty difficult thing isn't it?  We're laying in a bed that seems really warm and cozy to us, our bodies and minds are really relaxed at that moment...we are waaaaaaaay in our comfort zone.  But, the work day looms.  Yuck !  There really is no getting up for getting up in the morning...you just have to do it, right?

There are many other times in our daily lives when we have some "getting up for it" to be done in situations we see that are present in the here and now, and have to be dealt with now.  It may be situations we really don't want to face,  like:
  • knowing you are going to have a confrontation with the wife who is quite angry over some bonehead move you may have made...one that had, perhaps, unintended results that were less than stellar.
  • having to have "that conversation" with your son whom you have just recently noticed is starting to have that affliction which affects all sons eventually....raging hormones.
  • meeting with the boss on review day when you know deep inside that you really given it your "all" at work over the past few months and you have a suspicion he is well aware of it.
Do you really have a choice in whether or not you meet head-on with those situations?  No really.  So the "getting up" for it really comes down to your sucking it up and saying to yourself "let's go do this and get it over with" isn't it?

What about those situations that are more voluntary on your part...situations where you can safely choose to be involved in or not.....like going to church, participating actively in a men's group, being the spiritual leader of your family, praying with your family, taking the time to help the less fortunate, and more?

How do you "get up" and stay up for that?  You see, there's a difference between those things you know you have to face and those things you choose to face.  In the examples like having "that talk" with your kid, it's stuff that has to be faced, has to be done, and yes...sometimes you have to "get up" for it in your head...but you have to do it and you do it.  In the voluntary actions, it's easy to get lazy and lackadaisical about it and let things slide isn't it? 

If we view all aspects of our spiritual lives as a commitment, and make that commitment, and make every effort to honor that commitment, then the necessity to "get up" for it diminishes and soon it just becomes a way of life....and everyone around us benefits from it.  And if we have done that, we will know what is in our living life's tool bag, and "getting up" for any situation that comes our way will be just like getting up in the morning....we just do it because we know we have to do it, and we know that God will be with us every single step of the way and we will trust Him to be our guide.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Who's responsible?

What is one of the key components of being a whiner and complainer, or even a silent "oh poor
me-er"?  It's simple.  They forgot that every time they point a finger of blame outward, that there are three others pointing inward.  Go ahead, make the gesture....point at something.  See what I mean?

That one finger pointing outward is a sign that the pointer is not taking personal responsibility, that he's pushing it off onto some excuse...real or contrived.  Those three fingers pointing back are screaming at him to "take responsibility."

As men, fathers, and husbands it is easy not to want to look for our own personal responsibility when something goes south.  It is far easier to try to shift responsibility or blame isn't it?  It is more satisfying because in doing so our somewhat fragile sense of superiority (even if it's in our minds...where it usually is) is fortified.

Here's the harsh reality:

 
 
What kind of example are you making for those around you, the ones you love...like your children?  Are they going to grow up being whiners and complainers?  Or are they going to know who is really responsible?


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

We were all humans

Yep, when we were born, and in our very early days....we were all humans.  You say "what"?  As babies and very young children weren't we all (and they still are) just, well....pure and innocent?  Humans, as God intends us to be.  Oh, to be sure, from a species standpoint, we are, no matter our age of the human species.  Trouble is, we are, in reality, more like sub-human in our beliefs, morals, mores, and behavior.  Somewhere along the line that innocence we were born with, again, that which God intended, went "pfft."

Are you getting a bit uncomfortable with the discussion so far?  We all should be.  Very uncomfortable, because it is unlikely that any of us are human...as intended.  Strong stuff, yes?  Here's why we are so, and, oh, I'm sure not leaving myself out.

 
 
Oh my, the sign left off one important thing didn't it?  Perhaps the last line should have said "and we only let Jesus control just a portion of our lives."
 
As you think about the harsh reality that you may be a bit sub-human, think also of the ways that you can change.....even the little things, to make you more like you once were, innocent and pure.  How you can live the life of a real human.


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Treadmill of life

Men, husbands, and especially fathers, not unexpectedly, sometimes feel that life is just a gigantic treadmill.....one that once you're on it seems to take a mind of its own.  One that all too often seems to hard to get off of.  One that is sometimes really uncomfortable to be on.

This is especially true when we have those defining moments when we look at ourselves as we really are.  It's those moments when we can't shy away from our dirtiness, how lost we may be, and how broken we are.  It's at those moments when we are seeing those things in us and about us that we never share and will go to extremes to prevent anyone else from seeing.  But, we know they are there...within us, and we know that they are stopping us from being all that we could be and hopefully all that we want to be.  Yes, it's like a treadmill so often....it just keeps going on.

 
How do you get off of that treadmill?  You go to the toolbox.  And, if you need to, you go again....and again.....and again.  Kind of like fixing the car, sometimes multiple trips to the toolbox are needed until the fix is made.  We all should know what's in the toolbox:
  • prayer, asking for, and acknowledging forgiveness
  • the Word
  • community (sharing with another Christian that we trust)
  • a positive attitude about yourself and your choice to be better
  • a thankful and grateful attitude that you are a child of God
  • acceptance of the knowledge that Christ died for all of your sins
  • and more....think of some !
We don't have to be married to that treadmill in our life.  You have the choice to adopt another treadmill, one that will bring joy to your life, one that will sustain your needs, one that will make you the whole man you really desire to be.
 
Adopt a new treadmill !


 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Kids are not hearing impaired

Sometimes we get ourselves into trouble don't we?  Like those times when us guys are being regular guys with our buddies and some of those little words slip right out of our mouths (yeah, right) when our kids are around.  "Shhhh, the kid's here."  Oops. Or maybe we're talking with our wife about some family concern....."shhh", with a nod toward the child who might hear what we're talking about.

More often we get ourselves into trouble which shows its ugly face much later in time by not saying things we really should have said to our kids.  They aren't hearing impaired.  We're just either lazy or maybe just don't realize just how important some things unsaid can be to a growing child.  And, as fathers, we are just to joined at the hip with how we ourselves were raised.  Sad.

What are some of the things every child really desires to hear from us dads?  And on a regular basis.  And spoken with honesty and sincerity and enthusiasm.  Here's a few:
  • I am so proud of you.....
  • I love you so much....
  • I am really sorry.....
  • I forgive you.....
  • I am listening to you....
  • This is your responsibility.....
  • You have what it takes.....
  • You are special in God's eyes.....
I can't remember hearing any of those very much at all growing up.  Yes, it was a different time then, but I really don't think the "art" of parenting has changed all that much.  And, yes, perhaps as a result I grew up to become a parent that was a bit stiff and unfeeling when it came to the kids.  And I'm sad that I didn't share those comments with my kids when, perhaps, they needed it the most.  But you know what.....I did eventually learn (albeit later in life) and I love to share those things with them now....because no matter how old the kids are, or how much time has passed, they are not hearing impaired.

Do you need to re-think how you interact with your children?

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Go ahead.....I dare you

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just thought to yourself:

That right there was a God thing!
I'm having myself a Jesus moment right now.
God's handprint was all over that.
Thank You Jesus!
etc.
It felt good didn't it?  Whatever it was that you saw, experienced, felt, or witnessed was, you innately knew, special and a result of something far greater than anything here on earth could be responsible for.  Don't those moments, besides leaving you somewhat awestruck, also render you just a bit giddy?
 
It's ok to let that giddiness out of the bag.  Go ahead....I dare you!  Let it out.  The more you let it out, the easier it is to let out the next time you have one of those Jesus moments!
 

 


Saturday, January 24, 2015

Cheerleader

Have you ever been to any kids sporting events where there were cheerleaders?  Having raised a family not very short of kids, we got to go to our share of football games and basketball games...two sports that invariably have cheerleaders present.  One of the cheers they offer up while facing the audience is a routine that goes like:
 
Cheerleaders:  "I say..........."
Cheerleaders:  "and you say............."
Audience:   what ever the "you say........." blank was.
 
I guess that is known as the "I say, you say" cheer according to one of my daughters who was a cheerleader.  It was used to build up a little audience participation and hype.
 
In our daily lives we are blessed to have the greatest cheerleader ever in the form of God.  If you accept that you are one of His children, he is always there with an encouraging word for you.  He also does the "you say...I say" thing if we but want to listen.  It's like this:
 



Friday, January 23, 2015

Juggling priorities

The kids.
Our jobs.
Our finances
Taking care of the cars, maintenance on house issues, the yard.
  Our relationship with our wives.
Time for ourselves.
Friends.
Church and spiritual growth.
Keeping reasonably sane.
 
Men, husbands, and fathers sometimes struggle with their priorities.  Hey, they struggle just trying to figure out what the priorities are.   We don't always get it right do we?  Usually when we get them mixed up there are some not so good consequences right? 
 
We're not supermen.  There is only so much we can do at any given time.  It's all about juggling.  Juggling our priorities (after we figure out what they are).  Here's a great life lesson that addresses that. 
 
Enjoy the life lesson !!

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Winning track star

Your name.
 
Birth date........................Died date
 

 
Oh, if we only knew!   But.....we don't.  Nope, we don't know how many dots there will be between our birth date and our died date do we?  So that just begs a question....are you just a mass of human flesh occupying space here on earth for an unknown period of time, destined to just play out the game of life for that unknown period of time as best you can?  Or are you one of God's children who is here for that unknown period of time who knows you have been placed on earth for a purpose?  And just what might that purpose be?
 
If you are a man, husband, father who is trying to live his everyday life as a Christ follower, you will have acknowledged that, "yes, I am more than a blob of flesh here on earth for an unknown period of time", and, "yes, I know that I have a purpose."  Certainly most would also acknowledge that our purpose is to further God's Kingdom while we are here on earth. 
 
Try looking at it like a life long track meet, and in that track meet you are determined to be a winning track star.  Not to prove anything to anyone, but because you recognize your kingdom furthering purpose here and you are bound to do the best possible job you can....always striving to be better.  Some of the track events you might excel in may be:
  1. High hurdler:  in your life you may find that you have hurdle after hurdle to work through.  You round a corner and there's another one.  You run a little bit more, and darned if there isn't a row of them all lined up.  If you're going to be a winning track star you are going to attack those hurdles with all you've got, and if you stumble on one you'll pick yourself right up and keep on going.  The race isn't done yet.
  2. High jumper:  High jumpers raise the bar higher after every success.  They know that if they have reached a certain level there is yet another level they can reach.  In your life you reach levels in your job, your spirituality, relationships, and your expectations of yourself.  Don't you think it would get a bit boring to just be satisfied with how far you have come?  Might you think that if you tried just a bit more you could take it all to another level, and might that challenge afford you just a bit of excitement?  Keep raising the bar....if you're going to be a winning track star the race isn't done yet.
  3.  Cross country runner:  Cross country runners run for extended periods of time.  Kind of like life isn't it....an extended period of time, except in life we don't know the full length of the race?  They may face obstacles as they race, they fall, they may make a wrong turn, they may run in inclement conditions.....they face unknowns.  But, they keep on running toward the finish line, no matter what.  In your cross country race, that one made up of the dots between birth and death, are you a winning track star?  Do you pick yourself up and keep on running, no matter what comes in your way?  Are your eyes fixed on the goal because you know the race isn't over yet?
"..................."  Is it 20 more years?  Maybe 10, 2, 6 days, maybe hours?  None of us knows do we?  Are you a man that is not focused on the length, but fully focused on the end results?  If so, then you are a winning track star and God is pleased.
  1.  

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Excuses

Don't you just hate it when you catch someone red-handed making a lame excuse for something they did?  Doesn't it seem as if there is a "making excuses gene" in peoples DNA?  And yet, how often do we find ourselves making excuses?  Making excuses is probably the leading method of dodging personal responsibility.  We all do it.

How about a bit of a gut check now?  How are you as a man, husband, and father?
  • How's your walk going?
    • Are you growing spiritually?
    • Are you leading a more Christ centered life than you were a month ago?
    • Are you still excited about your salvation?
    • How often do you just want to stop what you are doing and just pour out praise to God?
    • Are you passionate about carrying the message to others?
  • Have you gotten lazy in your walk, in your spiritual growth?
    • Why?
What kind of excuses would you offer to God for any of your answers that might not be pleasing to Him or in accordance with how we were designed to be....in one with Christ?

Just sayin' !

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Stuck with the skeletons? (part 4)

 
 
The first three steps in getting unstuck from the skeletons that reside in the closet in your mind were:
 
Accept your past
Leave your past in the past
Don't repeat your past
 
The final step in the process of getting unstuck is to expand your borders.  In step three it was established that if you build boundaries for your behavior, you will have built a fence (borders) to protect you from you.  In your daily walk, as you approach those borders, and if you are serious about getting un-stuck and truly becoming the man, husband, and father God created you to be,  you will be saying to yourself "nope, I'm not going there".  The trick for fully getting un-stuck is to expand those borders on a regular basis.  In doing so you are separating yourself further and further from those things that could ultimately become additional skeletons.  Your whole focus should now be a forward focus only, with no glimpses back at the closet where the skeletons live.  They are there, and you know they are there.  They will always be there, and you know that as well.  But you now appreciate those skeletons because it is they who have driven you to become a new man.  Your whole concentration now is to focus forward, with emphasis on creating a whole new past !  So MOVE ON!! 
 
These four steps of becoming un-stuck from your skeletons will free you and make you stronger as a Christ follower.  You will be empowered because you have taken on your worse enemy, you, and you will have won.  You will become the man, husband, and father that God designed you to be.  And you will realize and bask in the full benefit of the unlimited grace He has given us.
 
Thanks Darren


Monday, January 19, 2015

Stuck with the skeletons? (part 3)

 
 
In parts 1 and 2 of the series "stuck with the skeletons" we learned what the skeletons were and the first two steps of how to get un-stuck:
 
Accept your past
Leave your past in your past
 
Ok, so now maybe you're serious about your effort to quit Dancing with the Stars....er, skeletons.  What would be the next logical step?  Before we go there, here is a common definition of insanity:
 
"insanity can be defined as repeating the same mistakes over and over again, each time expecting different results" !
 
How does that definition play into the plan for getting un-stuck from our skeletons?  Many, if not all of the skeletons residing in the closets of our minds are often a result of not only our bad choices and decisions, but also the repeated  bad choices and decisions.  That is especially true of the skeletons that come as a result of sin in our lives, some of which is often very addictive.  Thus, we keep on making the same old mistakes, doing the same old sin, and thus we continue to feed that particular skeleton.  What to do, not only with the addictive type of skeletons, but all of them in order that we can move forward and become the men God made us to be?
 
You stop repeating the past mistakes.
 
 
How can I do that, you ask.  Here are some thoughts to consider as you ponder that question:
  • know and accept the fact that it won't be easy.
  • understand and appreciate that it is a process that will take some time
    • there will be miss-steps
  • there will be small victories
    • fully appreciate those victories
  • focus on the joy that comes with any improvement instead of the guilt that comes with failures
To answer the initial question "how can I do that"......you set boundaries.  You think in these terms....how can I best protect me from me?  To do that, you build a fence around each of those things which have, may have, or will become your skeletons, and you constantly remind yourself......uh-uh, I ain't gonna go there!  You look at those skeletons (your past) and use them as a means to drive the change for the future you.  You take on the mindset that you want your boundaries to define you...not your skeletons.  It's a one on one fight, and you can win the battle to protect you from you. 
 
tbc tomorrow
 
Thanks Darren



Sunday, January 18, 2015

Stuck with the skeletons ? (part 2)


In the first part of this 4 part series on being stuck with our skeletons, we identified some of those skeletons that reside in the closets of our minds.  And you learned the first step of getting un-stuck:

Accept your past !
 


Step 2 in how to get unstuck from your skeletons is to leave your past in your past.  If you're going to get unstuck, you've got to drop the baggage.  You've already acknowledged that you're carrying extra baggage when, in step 1, you accepted your past.  Now's the time to drop it, let go of it, say bye-bye to it, to refuse to carry it.  Give it back to the skeletons !  To not leave your past in your past is like constantly picking at the scab of the wound on your arm...as long as you continue to pick it, the wound will never heal.  Force yourself to go to the big flat screen that's in your mind and change the channel or turn it off !!!  Don't go get the popcorn, don't set the DVR.  You can NEVER change that past....you can only change your future.   And that will NEVER happen as long as you don't leave your past in the past, or refuse to turn the big flat screen off, or continue to pick on that scab.

God didn't create us to be masseurs who continually massage our pasts.  He created us with the ability to make choices, some of which would be choices we wish we never would have made.  I really believe we were created that way so that we could learn from the consequences of those choices and grow through them to be better men, husbands, and fathers, and stronger Christ followers.  I don't believe we were made to be constantly looking at the re-runs of those darker times in our lives.  We were created to be un-stuck from our skeletons.  Because He loves us so.

tbc tomorrow
 
Thanks Darren

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Stuck with the skeletons? (part 1)




If you're letting your past poison your future, you're stuck with the skeletons.  It can get noisy there in the closet of your mind can't it?  It also gets crowded doesn't it?  All those skeletons.  We all have them in various shapes and forms.  We even like to massage them at times don't we?  What kind of relief from the past does that bring?  Not much, if any at all.....because in the closets of our minds we all have those darn old skeletons hanging.  Clikkety-clack, clikkety-clack....and the noise gets crazy sometimes because we sometimes feel we are stuck with those skeletons.

Let's put a name to some of those skeletons:
  • past failures
  • our indiscretions
  • times we've been hurt or slighted
  • past sins we just can't forgive ourselves for
  • current sin we just can't seem to let go of
  • resents and anger over stuff from long ago
  • etc.
If we fail to deal with the skeletons, we will never be the men, husbands, and fathers we were meant to be.  It's impossible, because those skeletons will have a bearing on every choice and decision you make until you finally let the ashes of your past go.  Only then will you be able to live free and happily pursue an honest walk with Christ.

Step #1 in getting unstuck from the skeletons is to accept your past.  Your past doesn't have to be your baggage.  Your past is your very own unique story...nobody else's.  It is what brought you to where you are today, wherever that is.  It is you, inside of your skin.  There is  nothing you can do to change that.  It is as much a part of you as your DNA.  But you don't have to let that past, no matter how bad it is, control you and dictate who you are today, or who you will be tomorrow.

So...what do you do with that past?  YOU EMBRACE IT !!  Yes, embrace it.  In acknowledging it and embracing it, you come to peace with it.  You finally understand that, yes....this was me.  Key word....was !!!  At that point in your journey to get unstuck from the skeletons, you have just crossed the river calm.  You can now, after thanking God, say with conviction and believe with all your heart,  "What is in my future is greater than anything that's in my past".

tbc tomorrow

Thanks Darren

Friday, January 16, 2015

What's the point?

 
 
That's the point.  An unsharpened pencil can't be used.  Are you an unsharpened pencil?


Thursday, January 15, 2015

Oh, for the love of money!

"Oh, for the love of money".  Have you ever heard that term?  It's and older term and is usually spoken with a bit of sarcasm in the voice.  We all enjoy money, some more than others.  Money controls some folks, while for others it's just a necessary commodity.  Either way, money (or currency) has been around forever.  There are plenty of references to money in the Bible, all to try to teach us the wisdom of treating it wisely, but not letting it interfere with our relationship with God. 

Here's a short story about money that was used to paint a life picture.  The source of the story is unknown:

"A well known speaker started off one of his seminars holding up a $20.00 bill.  In the room of 200, he asked, 'Who would like this $20.00 bill?'  Hands started going up...lots of hands. 'I'm going to give this $20 to one of you, but first let me do this'.  He proceeded to crumple up the bill.  He then asked, 'Who still wants it?'  And again, the hands started raising.  'Well', he said, 'what if I do this?' and he dropped the crumpled bill on the floor and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.  He picked it up, now very crumpled and dirty and asked once again...'Now who still wants it?', and once again the hands went up in the air.

He paused for one of those pregnant moments, and looked over the audience.  'My friends', he said, 'there was a valuable lesson to learn there.  No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.  It was still worth $20.00.  Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.  We may feel as though we are worthless.  But no matter what has happened, or what will happen, you will never lose your value.' "

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you, including God.  The worth of our lives comes not in what we have done, but in who we are....and each of us is one of God's children.  Some, sadly, are not in a relationship with God.  But that will never diminish the love He has for them.  Perhaps they just need to hear the message of their worth to Him to break free of whatever it is that is holding them back.

Are you that message carrier?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I didn't say that at all !!!!!

Have you ever been in one of those management circle exercises where you all sit in a circle and one person whispers to the next one something really simple like maybe "the green spider ate the whole pumpkin"?  The receiver of the message then turns to the next one and repeats what he heard and it goes on down through the line until it gets back to the person who uttered the first statement.  It rarely ever fails that the message received back by the original sender is anywhere near the same as the one he first uttered.  The object of the exercise is to teach the participants to really listen carefully to what is said to them and if they are going to repeat it to someone to be very careful to repeat exactly what they heard.  The purpose is to show how simple things that someone said can literally explode as it gets passed along.  The moral of the story is to show that gossip is not good and mostly harmful in that the further it goes along the more distorted it gets.

A lot of times stuff we repeat isn't repeated with malicious intent.  We feel that we are simply passing along information, right?  But way too many times someone invariably gets hurt, angry, or shaken by stuff that is said about them with an original good intent, simply because with each pass of the information it can easily (and often unintentionally) get goobered up or taken completely out of context.  If you have ever had that happen to you, you know the feeling well...."I didn't say that at all!!!!" and with that perhaps some of your hard built creditability is placed in jeopardy.  It happens way more often in our earthly lives than it should.....and I dare say we all are guilty at times.

When it comes to our spiritual lives, our desire to be more Christ like in our daily walk with the Lord, we are free from worrying about getting the wrong message.  God will never, ever, say "I didn't say that at all".  We just won't hear it.  The reason is simple.  There's the roadmap for living that is available to us that has never changed.  It's called His Word....the Bible.  If we follow that, we won't hear twisted up messages or misinterpreted words.  We will hear truth, as it has been told for thousands of years.  Not just truth, unblemished and not fiddled with, but THE truth.  His Word.

Do you have a relationship with your Bible?  Or does it just sit on the shelf?



Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Burning ember

This, from an unknown source, speaks volumes about our sometimes hot and cold spiritual selves:

"A member of a church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going.  After a period of time the pastor decided to visit him.  It was a chilly evening.  The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire in the fireplace.  Guessing the reason for the pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The pastor made himself at home, but said nothing.  In the quiet silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs.  After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone.  Then he sat back in his chair, still silent.

The host watched all this in quiet contemplation.  As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more.  Soon it was cold and dead.  Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.  The pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave.  He slowly stood up, pick up the cold dead ember, and placed it back in the middle of the fire.  Immediately it began to glow once more from the light and the heat of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, 'Thank you so much, and especially for your fiery message.  I will be back in church next Sunday' ". 

We live in a world today which tries to say too much with too little.  Consequently, few listen.  Sometimes the best messages are the ones left unspoken.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Nobody but us

There are many things that have a huge impact on our everyday lives, and particularly on our journey as men to be followers of Christ.  Without a doubt, the single most important thing was an event that occurred 2000+ years ago.  That was when God sent His Son into the world to die on the Cross for us, and in doing so gave us everlasting life.  The grace that comes with our individual acceptance of that fact is what redeems us....in spite of the fact that we fail again and again!! 

That event also left us with a huge obligation, one that we sometimes forget about or downplay.  By His death, Jesus was no longer here to carry on His Father's work.  Knowing that He would die, He prepared 12 followers, known today as the Apostles, to carry on that work in the beginning stages of building His Kingdom here on earth.  What does that have to do with today when there are millions upon millions more people on earth?  Mother Teresa made it very clear in this saying attributed to her:
 


You see, Jesus (the person) is long gone.  So are the Apostles.  That means there is nobody but us to continue building His Kingdom on earth.....using our bodies, our hands, our eyes, our feet...and yes, our hearts to carry the message.  There's nobody but us....you and I.

Reflect on what you are doing, what you have done, and what you do to carry on that work that we have been entrusted to do.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

A real gift

Everybody likes gifts don't they?  That is except for the "bad" gifts....like the ugly sweaters that don't fit or that something that you would never, ever use.  This piece isn't about the "bad" gifts however.  It is about real gifts.  Gifts we are grateful for.  There's an "ism" about real gifts:  if you don't recognize the gift, you can't be grateful for it.  Here are 4 characteristics of gifts (real gifts):
  • a real gift comes with a giver attached
  • a real gift costs something to give but nothing to receive
  • giving is a gamble
  • real gifts take us by surprise
What does all of the above tell you about your everyday life as you continue your work to be a better man, husband, and father?  Try looking at it through spiritual glasses.  Did not God (giver) send His Son (a real gift) freely (cost us nothing to receive Him) to save us (a gamble, knowing some would reject Him)?  And are you not surprised at how that real gift could take you from what you were to who you are now?  And now that you recognize that gift, are you not just overwhelmingly grateful?  There is a big picture lesson to all of this that we can apply to our everyday lives:
 
Relentlessly look for gifts...
Aggressively pursue gratitude.
 
In doing so we will all be amazed at the multitude of little gifts that come our way each day, and our sense of gratitude will strengthen and grow.  I might add one more thing....a deeper sense of humility will foster a deeper sense of gratitude.
 
Is anything standing in your way of having a more gratitude filled way of life?

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Living the good life

How many times have you heard someone say (usually with a bit of tongue in cheek), "I'm living the good life"?  Maybe you yourself have said it to someone in a facetious way.  I know I have.  When that expression is used by those of us who lead normal everyday somewhat blue collar lives, we are referring to something we are not.  In our minds we envision "the good life" as one free of bills, of independent wealth that frees us to have what we want, a life free of worries and problems.....in other words a mythical life, a figment of our imagination.  That's why we use the term facetiously.

All who are living the life of trying to be a Christ follower are, in reality, living the good life aren't we if you really think about it?  Our daily lives are anything but those lives we perceive when we use that term "living the good life".  We do have bills and obligations, problems and issues, wants and needs we can't always fulfill, etc.  If Christ is at the center of your life, make no mistake...you're living the good life. 


When Christ is at the center of our lives we don't have to assume anything, we can do more because we fear less, we need less because we have all we need, we smile because we are secure in our salvation, we dream of that time when we will be with Him, we laugh because we are happy and we see good, and we absolutely know we are blessed because we trust God.

Now that's living the good life !


Friday, January 9, 2015

Unhappy?

Are you an up person or a down person?  Or, to put it more succinctly, would you be considered a happy person or an unhappy person by those who know you?  Whoa.....now hang on here.  Sure, you're thinking we are all happy at times just like we are all unhappy at times.  But I'm talking about the difference between those folks who are happy most of the time and those who we recognize as just terminally unhappy people. The difference between a happy and an unhappy life is how often and how long we stay in either place.....because we are going to be in both places.

Here's seven qualities of a chronically unhappy person:
  1. His default belief is that life is hard.  Guess what?  It most certainly can be....but the happy person doesn't roll over and become victimized by it.  They fight through those hard times.  They persevere.
  2. He believes that most people cannot be trusted.  A healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man.  Happy people foster an aura of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart.
  3. He concentrates on what is wrong in this world versus what is right.  Obviously, there is a lot of wrong in the world...no doubt.  But the unhappy's want to turn a blind eye on that which is good in the world (and there's a lot) and dwell on the wrongs. The happy's know there is wrong in the world, and are concerned about it, but they balance that concern with what is right.
  4. He strives to control his life.  The happy's understand the difference between control and striving to achieve their goals.  They are focused, but also realize that they can't control the curve balls life tosses them.  The unhappy's tend to micromanage in an effort to control all outcomes and tend to fall apart dramatically when life tosses a monkey wrench their way.
  5. He compares himself to others and harbors jealousy.  The unhappy's believe that someone else's good fortune somehow steals from their own.  They believe that good fortune is in short supply and constantly compare theirs against others.  The happy's believe in unlimited possibilities and don't get bogged down worrying about the good fortunes of others.
  6. He considers his future with worry and fear.  The unhappy's fill the limited rental space between their ears with scenarios of what could go wrong versus what might go right.  They fill their head space with constant worry and fear.  The happy's cater a bit to delusion (in a positive way) and allow themselves to daydream about what they would like to have life unfold for them.  They experience worry and fear, but make the important distinction between feeling it and living it (like the unhappy's do).
  7. He fills his conversations with gossip and complaints.  The unhappy's love to live in the past, where they can re-live what's happened to them and all of their hardships.  When they run out of that, they'll turn to the lives of others and gossip.  The happy's are in the here and now, and they dream about the future.  Their positive vibe is so strong you can practically see it! 
For those of us learning to be better men, husbands, and fathers, the above offers us a gut check.   Where do you stand within that spectrum between the happy's and the unhappy's?  If we are truly trying to be followers of Christ, the answer is quite simple isn't it?  By being Christ followers we are always looking ahead, accepting what is behind us, but anticipating with joy that which lies ahead.  We are aware of His promises, and His grace....that thing which leaves NO room for terminal unhappiness.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

What may seem real, may not be

A fellow in Illinois was given a fake palm tree for his outdoor picnic patio area.  It was phony, but it was an excellent high quality faux palm tree.  Every spring he assembled it and every fall he took it down and stored it.  One day a car pulled up in his driveway and a guy who looked to be in his 30's got out because he had seen the neighbor working in his yard.  The young guy approached the neighbor with real enthusiasm explaining how impressed he was that he was able to grow a palm tree in the Illinois climate, and he wondered what he fed it and how he cared for it to make it grow so nicely...further explaining how badly he wanted to plant one.  The neighbor started to feed the gentleman a line, but couldn't hold back his laughter....so he went on to explain that it was a fake tree, that palm trees would not grow in the Illinois climate.  What at first seemed real to the younger man, indeed wasn't.

As you strive to be a more Christ-like man, husband, and father, what kind of image are you showing to others who will be observing you in your daily life?  You know...co-workers, wives, you kids, the folks you hang out with, even the folks you see at church.  Is what they are seeing real, or are they seeing something like the palm tree supposedly growing in Illinois? How genuine are you as you go through your daily walk? 

If you are real, the only line you will ever have to offer to someone who may want to know how you are doing life will be the truth.  And if you are being real, and not seeming real, folks will ask you.  You see, when it comes to Christianity, unlike the palm tree example, folks can smell a rat.  They can easily sense the phony and when they do it drives a wedge between their desire to improve themselves and their asking the relevant questions.  They get turned off.  And thus a life that perhaps could be turned around may not be.

So the question is....do you seem real, or are you real?

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Music as a calmer-downer

I love the music of Lindell Cooley.  He's a pastor with remarkable music talent.   He's got a church outside of Nashville, TN, in Franklin, and if I ever get down that way I'm going to make sure I'm around on a Sunday to go to that church.  You can listen to a sample of his music here

Most folks who know me, or have read this blog for any length of time know that I love music.  I love it because of the impact it has had, and continues to have, on my life.  Of the many, many Christian Contemporary Music performers there are that I so enjoy, I especially love the music of Cooley...because it speaks to me so deeply.  It is southern, it is gospel, it is sometimes revival-ish, but it hits me in the soft spot, and it speaks to me in volumes.

I'm not necessarily selling Lindell Cooley in this post.  What I'm trying to say is that good relevant Christian music can and does speak to us if we allow it to.  I have found that it settles me down, and that the more I listen to it as a daily habit, the calmer I am and the more spiritual thinking I will be.  I love country music, and I love classic rock....but neither does for my soul what listening to Christian music does.

In this rat race world in which we live, where we are so exposed to dog eat dog attitudes and actions, I need everything I can get to help keep me grounded and settled down each and every day.  For me one of the things that accomplishes that is music.

Here's another treat by Mr. Cooley.  It happens to be one of my favorites.  It puts me in "the zone".  Enjoy !!

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Being bold

Boldness is generally thought of in fairly macho terms....for example:
  • he boldly faced a tough adversary
  • he boldly fought a formidable foe
  • he put up a bold fight to the medical issues he was facing
  • etc
In thinking of boldness in purely macho terms, we may be limiting ourselves.  We may also be unknowingly be putting a damper on things we can do to help others.  Fear is what often stops our being bold, especially when it comes to our interactions with others.  Boldness is a characteristic we can all perhaps try to grow within us.  Not the kind of boldness that will make us fight fights we shouldn't get into in the first place, but the boldness that will give us the ability to take that next step to provide help in interpersonal relationships.

Case in point....when I was in the complete darkness, a man much younger than I did the unthinkable (to many) with me.  He challenged me right out of the blue to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  And much later on, after I had chucked it all to return to the darkness for a few long years, my daughter took some bold steps to get me back into the fold.  In both cases it was obviously God's hand involved, but He used those folks to get to me.  They boldly followed His leadings.  They stepped out of their comfort zones and came at me with a bold "I don't care what he thinks of me...I'm gonna do it" attitude.  And because of their boldness, the rest is history....good history.

Us men aren't always as bold as we think we are, and perhaps not as much as we want to be.  It takes boldness to be the father that will provide a tough love discipline to a child that needs that kind of discipline.  It takes boldness to continue to keep faith when we are getting the crap beat out of us in our personal lives.  It takes boldness to challenge another man when we see that his spiritual life is in need of help.  It takes boldness to speak up for the good when we see unfair and unjust treatment of another.  And, it takes boldness to carry the message of Jesus to others...especially to those we don't know. 

How is your boldness meter?  Does fear get in the way of your boldness? 

Be bold, my friend....someone's life may depend on it.  Mine did.


Monday, January 5, 2015

Tough Love

Fathers with teens still at home have a tough job.  So often those teens, our dear sometimes sweet children, seem to want to test their boundaries, and in doing so they are testing ours....the fathers.  It's not always fun, and sometimes it is downright very, very trying.  Hopefully, most fathers aren't oblivious to this right of passage of their teens, or worse yet, haven't abdicated their role as fathers....to not only be a loving father, but to be a teaching father.

A common comment which may be said to those teens is...."do you think I was born yesterday", or maybe something like "been there-done that".  In spite of our best efforts, sometimes just being loving and nice, direct and kind just isn't enough.  Sometimes a bit of tough love is necessary.

Case in point:  I remember vividly when at different times my teenage daughter was traveling on a very slippery slope.  Often I wasn't completely aware of just how slippery that slope she was on was, but there was enough that I did see that I just knew some bad outcomes for her were just around the bend.  One day I received (thankfully) a call from an honest teacher who went out on a limb on her own to call me and fill me in on some stuff that was going on with my daughter.  She stepped out on that limb because she really cared for that daughter, and she knew where things were headed if something wasn't done.  So I did something really out of character....I picked the girl up at school (she was told by the office I would be there).  She wasn't happy.  I suggested that we were going to the Dairy Queen and get a milk shake....which we did.  Then we took those shakes to a little nearby park and sat on the river bank and we talked.  Well, not actually we.  I talked.  I had gone into this with the thought that she may well not like me very much after our "conversation"...and that maybe she could even run away.  "The talk", however, had to be done.  I was very blunt, very open, very honest, very hard, in some cases my language was not appropriate.....but the point(s) had to be made.  It was the hardest conversation I had ever made up to that point.  It was a very tough love talk....one that ended up with...."in spite of all this, I still love you to death, and I hope you realize that".

Gradually, we started to see some minor changes in her behavior and actions.  No, she didn't run away, but I did get the silent treatment for a while, and she avoided me like the plague for a bit.  But she stayed with us.  Now, fast forward 20 years.  She lives out of state now with her husband and family.  But every single time we are together, she brings it up.  "The talk", and what an impact it made on her life.  We laugh now about that day,  but she is still always thankful that I said some really gross and terrible things that day... things that she needed (but not wanted at the time) to hear.  We both agree that she is a much better woman and mother than she would have been had we not had "that talk".   She has also mentioned numerous times that the language and choice of words I used that day (remember....they were not nice) was the wake up call for her.  She knew I was very angry, but she saw herself clearly through the things I said (though at that moment she wouldn't admit that).

Tough love is a tool we need to keep in our parenting toolbox.  Not nice, pretty, kind, and pampering tough love....sometimes that is just not enough.  And we've got to have the guts to know when it is time to pull that tool out of the box and use it....in spite of what we fear the consequences might be. A word of caution is in order.  "That talk" kind of tough love really must be reserved for the right moment...for that moment when you seriously think you may have "lost" them (the kids).  It's a last ditch effort to awaken them and enlighten them, and it needs to be used with the full knowledge that they may walk away, that they are not ready to see their boundaries....or yours (which you have just laid out in "the talk").



Sunday, January 4, 2015

Grasp His Hand

I heard a beautiful story related by a young man this week.  He had been a heavy meth user.  As you may know, meth is a very hard addiction to bust.  This man related how he had been on a sidewalk when a couple of men about his age came up to him and invited him to church.  To his surprise, he agreed to go with them and did so.  In his interview he related how he had gone and just really felt the need to accept Christ and get off the meth.  He did just that.  The interview happened to be about 15 months after he had gone to church with the two strangers, and he was still a Christ follower, and still clean.

One of the interviewers asked him, "looking back, what do you take out of that experience"?  The young man's response was so very simple, yet so powerful.  He said simply, "Jesus is always walking right along with you...all you gotta do is just grasp His hand".  His response should resonate with all of us.  While I'm sure we may all know it, I'm equally sure we don't always practice it. 

How many times while we are experiencing life's bumps and grinds do we just simply grasp His hand and feel secure in the knowledge that He will lead us through whatever it is we are going through at that time.  Probably not enough.  We like to control our own outcomes don't we?  We like to think we can get ourselves out of those situations that are perhaps not best for us.  Sadly, sometimes we just plain forget about that third hand, the one we really should grasp.

 
The hand that's always there..
if only we would care...
to grasp that hand of love..
that hand from up above.
 


Saturday, January 3, 2015

Destination please

Every trip has a destination......a ending point.  How those trips are made is a different story.  When I have gone on a road trip, say to California from Illinois, I have rather enjoyed just meandering, stopping to see whatever it is that may have caught my attention and exploring it a bit.  I'm not, you see, particularly fond of time constraints.  I like to really enjoy the trips.  I feel much more relaxed doing it that way.

Every life also has a destination.....an ending point.  How those trips are made is a matter of the choices we make as we travel life's road.  It's often lots harder to make life's trip relaxed and enjoyable because we tend to let a lot of "stuff" get in the way of having a pleasurable trip.  Why?  Because we are prone to make bad choices and decisions, and we are just plain capable of messing up aren't we?

The destination we guys seek isn't to be a better man, husband, and father.  That's one of the choices we make as we make the journey.  As Christian men, we strive to be more Christ-like in our daily lives so that we will realize the destination when our time comes...heaven.  As we strive to be more Christ-like, our days will be more relaxed and enjoyable, and thus the journey to reach our destination will be much more pleasurable.....even with that "stuff" that always seems to pop up in our way.

The goal of the Christ follower is to reach the destination of our life's journey, always striving to make each day a better day than the one just before it and to not let the dogs get in our way.  Winston Churchill had something to say about that:



Friday, January 2, 2015

Out of the mouths of babes

Sometimes kids come out with the most beautiful, simplistic, pure, and absolutely true comments when we least expect them.  The kind of things that amaze you ("where did that come from"), that bring a sudden rush of happy tears ("that was so very sweet"), or simply make you want to sit back, take stock of yourself and say "wow".  Out of the mouths of babes.  Those responses to what we hear from our kids on those special occasions even affect us "macho" guys don't they?

A few years ago I was bringing my sis home for a holiday visit.  Sissy, for many years now, has been in a home for special people...because she is a special person.  She's 72 now, but is not much more than a child in all aspects except physically.  On the way home traffic was pretty ugly what with the extra holiday traffic.  We got to "experience" another driver for a fair portion of the drive who was, to put it kindly, a real jerk.  As the miles went on, I was becoming much more aggravated, a situation which ultimately turned to real anger.  There was no getting around the guy, so I was stuck behind him, and my temper reached its boiling point in short order.  I started making terrible comments under my breath, comments I didn't think sis could hear.  She knew, however, that I was quite angry at the guy.

Eventually I had an opportunity to pass the guy, and as I did so I mentioned, in a not so quiet voice, some things he could do with himself....my temper had flared.  I happened to glance over and saw that sis was looking out the window at the car we were passing.  Just as the pass was completed, she said pretty emphatically, "and you have a very nice day mister".  Out of the mouths of babes !!!

I've thought of that often since it happened.  It just seems to keep popping up in my mind.  Knowing that sis isn't capable of sarcasm or having a smart mouth, I'd have to say that she really meant what she was saying to someone she didn't know.  To someone she perhaps sensed may have been a jerk (as judged by my reaction to him).  And, perhaps in her innocence, she may have felt that he was just having a bad day and that maybe he was alright after all.  Who knows?

What I take away from that small snippet of life is simplicity is better.  Isn't it far better to just chill, regardless of the circumstances over which we don't have any control?  Isn't it far better to consider that in those situations there may be much more going on than is presented in the immediate picture?  And isn't it fair to assume that should we retain our more childlike simplicity and innocence, and quit the macho man stuff and game playing, we might just be happier persons....and definitely much easier to get along with?

Out of the mouths of babes indeed!  Hmmmmmm, Jesus did say something about "suffer the little children to come unto me"......just sayin'.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

A new book

TODAY
 
IS THE FIRST BLANK PAGE
 
OF A NEW 365 PAGE BOOK.
 
 
WRITE A GOOD ONE!!!
 
 
 
Wishing everyone a happy and good New Years.  The more that God is involved in that, the more Christ like men will be.  Why not ask Him to co-write the book with you?