Egg or Potato?

Circumstances are unavoidable. Loosely speaking, a circumstance is a fact or condition that affects a situation. If we find ourselves in a situation, good or bad, there are circumstances that factor into that situation. How we react to, or resolve the situation is all on us and the choices and decisions we make. The circumstances are present, and they are not in our control. What is in our control is the resolution of the situation which is ultimately reached.

If that sounds gibberish, then perhaps this analogy will shed some light on it:

“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s not about the circumstances, but rather what you are made of.”

Source unknown

The world (boiling water-circumstance) can either harden our hearts (egg) or soften our hearts (potato). It’s not about the world. It’s about us, in spite of the world, making the choice to have a softened heart (a heart for God) or a hardened heart (a worldly heart). It’s our choice.

Bottom Line Thought: Like it or not, you are in the world, and you can’t change that. In what ways might you be letting worldly things condition your heart?

It's Flat

A flat tire is a pain in the neck isn't it? They don't occur at any good time. When they happen, we are faced with a choice--call someone to change it, or do it ourselves.  If we do it ourselves we can expect to get a bit dirty.  It's just not a nice thing to happen. Tires get worn when we don't pay attention to them. If they are under or over inflated the tread will wear wrong and they won't last. If we abuse them by hitting pot holes in the road, or debris, they can get damaged, or even go flat. Sometimes they go flat because they have gotten old.

In some ways, a marriage is like a tire.  When it is new, just like our tires, it is perfect. The marriage  runs smooth, and we are on guard for anything that might damage it. As the marriage gets older and our focus is on other things, it, just like the tires, gets a little worn. Sometimes we don't really pay attention to that wear. If we continue to neglect or not see the wear, eventually the relationship will begin to suffer, and those words many pastors and counselors have heard, "our marriage is flat", will be spoken.

If we don't pay regular attention to the tires on our car, or are careless in how we protect them, we can expect that eventually we may experience a flat tire. It's no different in a relationship such as marriage.

Bottom Line Thought:  Have you ever experienced the aggravation of having a flat tire? Did you enjoy it? How do you think you might react, and what would you do, if your marriage went flat?  Are there some things you can change to help keep it vibrant and alive so that it doesn't?



Folsom Prison Blues

       Johnny Cash is an icon in the country-western music world. His signature song, “Folsom Prison Blues,” was released in 1955 and it rose to the top of the charts like a rocket ship. Cash knew all about hard times, both in life and in prisons.

       Prisons aren’t nice places. It was especially true when Cash wrote that song. We wouldn’t want to be there would we? I can’t imagine what goes on inside those places, where everything is a system within the system, where folks have to be on guard and fear for their wellbeing. According to a friend of mine whose dad was in one of those “cushy” prisons for white collar crime, even they are not nice.
      
       Consider this—we all live in a prison(s) of sorts. Yes, you read it right.

·         At times we are prisoners to time or the clock more than we want to be.

·         We can be held prisoner by the “monster” of more, or his close relative, “I want it now!”

·         Some of us are prisoners to a rancid relationship.

·         We can be held prisoner by our own baggage and stuff.

·         Our habits and our sin hold us prisoner.

       Some of us are held in maximum security at the worst prison there is. This is the prison that keeps us locked up, where we experience no real freedom at all. It’s name is “fear of what others think.” When we’re in this prison, our spiritual growth is stifled. While a prisoner there, we:

·         Can’t be all that God wants us to be.

·         Find it’s hard to do what is right instead of what is popular.

·         Can’t live to our fullest potential.

·         Find it difficult to be transparent with others.

·         Experience issues that need not happen in our relationships.

·         Have a hard time developing a deep and lasting relationship with Christ.

·         Just can’t be real, as we truly were made to be.

       Once we escape from the maximum insecurity of this prison, our visits to all of those others will diminish, and we will be totally free, never again to sing the “Folsom Prison Blues.”

Bottom Line Thought: Are you being held captive by anything? Does it interfere with your being real, transparent, and true? What can you do to free yourself?

Real Men Are Humble

I’ve wondered how many men think of a humble man as a wimp, a mousy person, a quiet person, a meek man, or some combination of those descriptions. I used to think that when thinking of humility, and it boiled down to a baseless description—he just wasn’t a man’s man. He wasn’t “girly”, he just wasn’t a testosterone laden man. Pretty sad isn’t it?

Our view of the characteristics of others is often skewed isn’t it? It happens when we have our own ideas, or misconceptions, of what real men are, because we are basing those thoughts on what we perceive they should be based on our perceptions. It took a long time, and some hard lessons, for me to discover what real humility is. Much of what I thought was not based on any spiritual applications.

I recently heard a message about humility, and it made sense, and it clearly identified those men who I thought of as humble: To be humble, as real men we will:

·         Accept the fact that life isn’t all about us.

·         Decide to serve others and will do, from time to time, random acts of kindness just because we can.

·         Learn to be humble as it is a learning process, it doesn’t just happen.

How do we learn to be humble and live in humility?

·         We avoid taking credit. We do things without seeking credit.

·         We praise others, and praise them sincerely and often.

·         We help others succeed at what they are doing, and we delight in it.

·         We admit our mistakes freely and openly.

·         We always try to learn from others.

·         We place others before ourselves, we go last.

·         We serve others.

We all have available to us an absolutely perfect example of humility—perfect humility. The story of Jesus’ life here on earth is a picture perfect example of a humble man, and I would guess that no one would ever consider him a wimp! His model of humility exemplifies so well that real men are humble.

Bottom Line Thought: Have you struggled with humility? Has it affected any of your relationships? How might you change and change your view of humility?

Getting up for it

Some mornings, don’t we wish we didn’t have to get up? Our beds are warm, we are comfortable and relaxed, and we are in a comfort zone. Yuck—the alarm goes off and we have to get up to start a new day, maybe one we really don’t want to face.

All throughout our lives we face situations where we have to “get up for it”. Those are those pesky times when we know we have to face it here and now, it’s something we can’t dodge. For example:

·         Knowing we’re going to have a confrontation with the wife over some bone-head thing we did, one perhaps done with good intentions, but it had unintended results.

·         Having to have “that” conversation with our young son whom we’ve noticed is experiencing that affliction which affects all young sons—“raging hormones.”

·         Having to meet with the boss on job review day when we know we have slacked off more times than we wished, and we know he has noticed it.

We don’t have a choice in those situations do we? We have to “get up for it”, just suck it up, then do it, and get it done with. They are involuntary, they must be done.

There are instances in our lives that are more voluntary on our part. Things like whether we’re going to go to church or not, whether we will be active in a men’s group, how strong of a spiritual leader we will be in our family, and how much time we take to be of help to someone(s) less fortunate than us.

How do we “get up” and stay up for those? They are all voluntary things we do by choice, unlike the necessity of facing that discussion with the wife. Anytime anything is done by choice and is voluntary, there is always an opportunity for laziness and apathy to get in the way.

If we look at all aspects of our spiritual life as a commitment, make that commitment, and continually be aware of that commitment, then it becomes a way of life, and we will find that there isn’t any “getting up for it” necessary. It becomes a way of life, a God honoring way of life.

Bottom Line Thought: Do you think that if you are leading a God honoring life that all those other things you may have to “get up” for will be much easier to deal with?

Wrestling With God



      

 

        Story 1: He was living in the darkness when he married his wife. So was she. They were both good people, it’s just that neither was walking with the Lord in their lives. Time passed. He eventually accepted Christ and started the spiritual journey to be a devoted follower of Christ. She remained the same—a nice person, a person others enjoyed being around, a decent person. But, they were unevenly yoked now. Each had a world view different from the other. Eventually, as his journey progressed, he fully realized what she was missing in her life, and dreamed of the time when she would accept Christ and they could share a wonderful spiritual journey together. It didn’t happen, and still hasn’t for the 37 years they have been married. Sometimes the differences in the spiritual side of the marriage caused friction, even though he tried diligently to just live his life as an example and give her room to make her choice. He prayed regularly that the Holy Spirit would work in her, to change her. But inside, he was hurting. He was hurting because he knew what she was missing and wanted it so badly for her. He also wrestled with God over the situation. He was angry with God because it wasn’t happening. He would plead with God to make it happen, and sometimes he just outright asked God why it wasn’t happening. He was wrestling with God.

       Story 2: His best friend was dying of cancer, and it was a long, slow process. It was sad to see it happening right in front of him. His friend had given so much of himself to help him in his walk with Christ, and there was so much more to do—yet he was now dying. During his last days, he got to visit his friend. The friend lit up like an over-lit Christmas tree when he came to visit, and none of the conversation that day was about “why me” or “why now.” The conversation was all about what a great God we have, one that loves us all so much. It was about all that He had done in our lives, and what was yet to come. It was, given the circumstances, a happy time together. After the visit ended, and he left, he started to wrestle with God. “Why now Lord?” “Why this man Lord?” He was overcome with both sadness and anger, and he hurt.

       In both cases, the man was wrestling with God. He felt he was wrong for doing so, until he heard something that made sense of it all. Hurting is something we all experience isn’t it? When we are hurt deeply, it can bring us to our knees where we often lash out at God, or plead in deep despair. We are then wrestling with God.
 
        Wrestling with God is a good thing. It’s okay to do so. It’s spiritually sound to do so, because in doing so we are sharing our most raw pain, our doubts, and our hurt with him. At those times when we are wrestling with Him we are hardly sugar coating anything. We are being our real selves, and that is exactly what He wants from us.

        It is during (and after) those times of deep hurt and our subsequent wrestling match with God that we can discover some wonderful things that happen to us as a result.

       In story 1 above, he has learned, from sharing with trusted Christian brothers, that God’s timing isn’t always the same as what we expect. Further, he’s learned that living the life of a Christ follower is his job, and saving another is God’s job, which He will do in His time. Out of that, he’s discovered that by wrestling with God he is learning perseverance, which is the stairway to faith, and that the longer he perseveres, the stronger his faith will be.

       In story 2, he has learned that sometimes when wrestling with God, there are no good answers that will come of it. But, because he wrestled, he found peace and joy by realizing that it’s not a bad thing to wrestle. It’s spiritually healthy, because from it comes spiritual strength and a deeper closeness with God.

Bottom Line Thought: Have you thought that it is a bad thing to wrestle with God? If so, in what ways may that have stifled your sense of joy and peace? Has it stymied your faith in God? What might change that?

Excuses & Responsibility

We all know someone(s) who we may think has an “excuse making gene” in their DNA? You know-- the kind of person who is always pointing a finger at something outside of themselves for any failure, shortcoming, misfortune or mistake that happens. Those are the folks who fail to understand that while they are pointing a finger outward to place blame, there are 3 fingers pointing right back at themselves. Often the excuses they make are quite lame. We do it in our own lives don’t we? Sometimes we think that an excuse we may offer is the easy way out of a potential jam isn’t it?

We can transition from making excuses on a regular basis to turning into a chronic whiner and complainer quite easily. There is a subtle difference between the two. That one finger pointing outward will often be pointed at someone (at least figuratively) as opposed to some things. In either case, there are still those pesky three fingers pointing straight back at the pointer, as if to say “hey, wait a minute—there is some responsibility you have to take in this situation”.

As men, it isn’t always easy to want to look at our own responsibility when something goes south. For example, there are times when it is far easier to want to shift responsibility when there are relational issues, right? In doing so we are feeding our egos and massaging our misguided sense of “superiority.” Here’s some harsh reality from an unknown source:

Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not from your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period.

I wonder if, when we are in the excuse making mode, or turning into whiners and complainers and pointing that finger how often might we be doing it toward God as well. And, I wonder if we don’t have some pretty lame excuses for not being the Christ followers we could be.

Bottom Line Thought: What kind of an example are you setting for those around you, and especially for the kids in your life? Will they know what taking responsibility is when they grow up?

Look for God's Hand

One of the reasons I started this blog, and certainly one of the reasons I have continued to do so was because of my very dear friend and mentor, Norm. Norm passed away today, a man completely at peace with God, his family, and himself. It wasn't unexpected. He had cancer, and it came to get him.

After I received the news about my friend this afternoon, the first thought that came to my mind was that he is now able to see and be with God, whose hands he always talked about.

I shared all of my past with Norm over the span of a couple of years. It was difficult to do so because Norm was the epitome of a fully devoted Christ follower, one who had a very deep relationship with God. He loved everyone as God would have him do. And he loved me, warts and all. He never prodded, nor was he insistent, he just walked me carefully and slowly through my past because he knew something at the time that I didn't know.  He knew that once I released it all I could be free, free from my past, and free from the guilt and shame that colored much of what I did and thought.

When I finished that journey with Norm one day, he lit up, just absolutely lit up. And, he said to me, "Now take some time and look for Gods hand in every one of those little stories you shared. And don't worry that you didn't see them then, or that you chose to ignore them, just look for them." And I did, and I saw where God's hands were there in every single story of my past, no matter how sordid the story might be. For example: Sometimes He protected me from myself. Sometimes He protected others from me. Sometimes He clearly put a choice right in front of me, one I could choose to make or ignore.

The point was, God's hand was always with me, faithfully, which I could see as I went back through everything.....and the light came on! God has always been with me, and that easily translated to--and He always will. Norm knew what he was doing when he told this old guy to Look for God's Hand.

I was able to visit Norm this past week. It wasn't easy, knowing that it might have been the last goodbye (which it was). He was the happiest guy in the world, and at total peace. He wanted to recite some of his favorite scriptures, and we did. And between the times when the medication took him away for brief periods, we shared some of the greatest conversation I have ever experienced...silence. A very profound silence as we held hands tightly and stared at each other with wide smiles and a sense of pure love. I saw God's hand that day in Norm. It came in the form of undeniable grace, peace and contentment, and unbridled love.

And now Norm has gone to see the Man behind the Hands, to live with Him throughout eternity.

Resentments

          Resentment is anger or an over the top displeasure we feel when wronged, insulted, or hurt by others. At times it seems some may even invent reasons for having resentment—like my friend has a happier marriage than I do, or dresses better, etc.

The bad thing about resentments is that they are like scabs—they linger and they can fester, and it’s easy to pick them to keep them that way. Those of us, who have had them, know that they can eat away at our insides like some sort of a cancer, especially those we have held for a long time and love to massage. They are troublesome to our relationships because we may thing that a particular resentment is in the past until it pops its ugly head up in the form of sarcasm or spiteful comments. The resentments we carry are often deep within us.

I was talking with a friend the other day and the topic of resentments came up. He offered a couple of comments about them, based on his struggles with them. He said, “Resentments bite only the one holding them”, and “having resentments is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.” In some ways I agree with what he said.

·         If we’re carrying resentments, we are ultimately the ones to suffer, as they will continue to eat away at us as they continue to feed the flames of anger we are feeling toward the cause of them. We will continue to be angry and feel bitterness, which robs us of some of the joy we could be feeling.

·         We hold the resentments while inwardly wishing, perhaps secretly, ill will on the one responsible for those resentments.

How are we to deal with resentments that we may be holding onto? Just the same way we deal with any other character flaws we may have—we prayerfully keep trying to release them through prayer and transparency about them. We recognize them for what they are and what they can do to our spiritual growth, and we don’t give up on ourselves while doing what it takes to get rid of them.

Bottom Line Thought: Are you carrying any resentments? How do they affect your relationships? What steps can you take to tackle that issue?

The Word Demon

There were times when I was certain that there was some kind of word demon in my mind. That’s the one that tosses some of “those” words into what we’re saying, often at the worst times-- like when the kids are within earshot. That word demon can get us in trouble, right? It’s not very hard for inappropriate words to come out of our mouths at times like;

·         A discussion with the wife turns into an argument.

·         The buddies are over and the stories and joke telling gets out of hand.

·         The holiday picnic is going on and discussion turns to the family outcast.

·         We’re working on something that’s broken at the house and something goes wrong.

·         We lose our temper with one of the kids in an over the top way.

There are times when the word demon gets us in trouble as well. Those are the times we don’t say the words our kids need to hear from us. The effect on their not hearing those words will have a more far-reaching effect on their well being and development into adulthood and beyond than the inappropriate ones.

Our kids not only want to hear what is sometimes not spoken, they need to hear them from us dads. They need to hear them regularly, with sincerity, honesty, and with enthusiasm. Here are a few examples.

·         I am so proud of you.

·         I love you so much.

·         I am really sorry…

·         I forgive you….

·         Will you forgive me? I was wrong.

·         I am listening to you.

·         This is your responsibility.

·         You are special in God’s eyes.

Bottom Line Thought: Is the word demon having a negative or positive impact in your relationships with your kids? Are you saying the wrong things at the wrong time or the right things at the right time?

Special Silliness

          On a nice Saturday afternoon. I was waiting outside of the grocery store for my wife to finish shopping. A well dressed older lady came out of the store carrying 2 bags with only a couple of items in each. She waited at the curb next to the pick-up lane for her husband to pick her up. As he started to drive toward her she started to giggle. That was when she stuck her thumb out in a very animated way, as if hitch-hiking. I could see her husband smiling. Then she turned sideways and hiked her dress over one knee and wiggled the knee like a floozy in a movie might do, and started laughing. As he picked her up, they were both laughing loudly, but stopped momentarily to give each other a little kiss before driving off.

As I witnessed that, it was clear that those folks have a happy marriage. They apparently love the silly things, and enjoy sharing silliness with each other and aren’t concerned about what others may think about it. That’s a special kind of silliness, the kind that can help keep a marriage alive.

During the few years of marriage, we seldom seem to run out of silly little things each partner can do, things meant just for the other, do we? They bring laughter, and a deeply personal bonding between each other takes place. Silly humor helps serve as glue for a happy marriage.

Eventually, things change bit by bit, Everyday life takes its toll. There are pressures of the job(s), finances, and maybe kids. Those things bring a new level of seriousness to the relationship. Each partner must decide if those things need to stand in the way of real happiness, if they should act like a damper on the partnership. Isn’t our real choice whether or not we want to let the marriage become routine, and possibly boring?

It’s often been said that humor has a healing effect. From that, can’t we believe that a little bit of personal silliness can be something special in our relationship, something that will help us over those rough edges of the routine and boring?

Bottom Line Thought:  Are you struggling with the routine in your marriage? How is your silly factor? If it’s not appreciated, does that mean you should stop trying to help keep the marriage alive with some humor?

Sanity on Sunday

        I used to dislike going to church. I’d go when I had to, for weddings, Easter and Christmas, baptisms, and funerals. It got in the way of sleeping in on Sunday mornings, going to play golf, or fishing. Those were the excuses I used. The real reasons I didn’t want to go were;

·         I thought that ministers, pastors, and priests were phonies.

o   How could any of them be that good as men?

·         Those in the congregation were probably just like me, but they were just putting on a Sunday morning show, and therefore were phonies.

·         Church was for sissy’s goodie-goodies, and wimps, something I was not.

·         No one there was saying anything I wanted to hear.

o   Preaching was about what was going to happen to me “if”...

·         I knew what I was, and there was no way God could love me.

·         Church in all aspects just wasn’t “real” to me.

I now know that all of those excuses for not going to church and being involved with it were simply wrong, and not true of the church and its people. That came as a result of an amazing spiritual journey.

Those misconceptions are still thoughts in the minds of many men. We have trouble grasping the fact that ministers, pastors, and priests are just the same as we are, men doing a real life’s journey, men with baggage, and men who struggle with the same things we do. What has made my, and perhaps yours, church experience so real since my way of thinking was changed, is that the spiritual leaders of those churches, and the folks who go there, are transparent. They too, have changed, and are still changing.

I look at church as the clinic, where we can turn ourselves around. It’s the place we can go to get ourselves a good heaping of Sanity on Sunday, all about real life as it could be.

Bottom Line Thought: Can you share your church experience with others, so you can encourage them to come to the clinic and get their Sanity on Sunday?

Racism is Red

          In recent times racism has become a hot spot in the news and social media. It’s not specific to just these times, because it’s been around for a very long time. In broad terms, racism is the poor treatment or violence toward others of a different race, and it is often based on the belief that some races are somehow better than others, or more superior.

I grew up in an area of the country where racism was not only rampant, it was openly obvious. It was the norm and the accepted culture in those states. I was racist and at that time it was all about the color of one’s skin. It took many, many years to overcome that racist attitude within me.

Racism isn’t about black, brown, yellow, tan, white, or any other color. It’s all about red. The hearts of all people of all races are red. There has never been any medical proof that indicates otherwise. Racism is a condition of our hearts. What’s in our hearts is what will eventually show in our thoughts, words, and deeds.

Racism is Red!

If we have to be racist, we are racist, no less so than an openly racist person. If we are racist, how do we change since it is a condition of the heart?

·         We look within ourselves, we recognize it, and we claim it.

·         Having claimed it, we accept that we have to change that part of us.

·         We do that by first acknowledging to ourselves that it is not how God would have us to be, and we forgive ourselves.

·         We pray about it, journal about it, share it with trusted Christian friends, and therefore we transparent about that flaw within us.

·         We understand that making this change is a process, just like our spiritual journey is, but we know and trust, that with God’s help, we will change.

The change is not easy, and we need to trust that with God’s help, everything in our lives is possible.

Bottom Line Thought: Do you see people as people, regardless of the color of their skin? Do you have a red heart for all others who have a red heart?

A Special Kind of Kind

A couple of years ago my wife and I drove to California to be at the high school graduation of one of our grandsons. At the ceremony, we witnessed something that was very profound.  The ceremony took place outside, so a stage had been set up for the event.  On the stage was the Superintendent of the school district as well as the Trustees.  Also on the stage was the Principal of the school to hand out the diplomas as each graduate was named.  Each graduate walked across the stage, received the diploma, shook hands with all present, and then left the stage.  As the students left the stage they each went down a receiving line made up of all the teachers from that school, and as they did so they shook hands with each one.

After a few students had gone down the receiving line we saw that every single student paused at one teacher who was in the middle of the line and hugged her and got hugged back.  The hugs weren't just perfunctory hugs.  They were very obviously heartfelt and emotional hugs. Many of the students, boys and girls, were crying as the hug exchange took place.

As the ceremony ended the parents and guests were allowed to go onto the football field which had been the backdrop for the ceremony and mingle with the students and teachers.  As we got into the crowd, we could hear many parents and grandparents commenting with amazement on what we had just witnessed, the hug exchange between all of the students and that teacher. 

As a side note, I'll share that the student body is comprised of the full range of socio-economic demographics, including some kids who have drug issues, drug issues, and gang affiliation issues.

Later on I asked Tyler about the teacher who hugged all the students and if it was perhaps a planned "hug-in."  He told us that there had been no plan at all, it was just that the teacher was very special to all of the students, no matter who they were.  He went on to share that they all thought of her as "a special mother", that she was always so kind and loving toward all of them no matter what was going on, and then he started crying as he talked about her.

I can only imagine how the sincere kindness of that one teacher may have a lasting effect on some, if not all, of those kids as they started out on the next chapters of their lives, and the kind of example she set for them.

Bottom Line Thought:  Kindness isn't just a lady thing.  How can you, as a man, be a kinder person, one whose light might shine on those in need of a bit of kindness each day as you do this thing called life?



Nature's Way

Driving home from church I noticed something that jumped right out at me.  The snow underneath all of the trees had melted leaving a large circle of exposed, though brown, grass in view.  What made that so graphic was that the spring melt had not yet melted the snow enough on the open lawns and fields to see what was underneath that snow. I thought about the reason for that interesting observation. Trees, as we know, are things that grow.  They may be somewhat dormant in the winter time, but they are going through nature's process of keeping fed and storing what they pull from the soil and the weather to prepare them for the spring burst of new foliage.  That process takes energy, and energy produces heat, so I surmised that must be the reason for the circular melting, even on the "shady" side of those trees.

We, as people, are always growing.  There are times when we are growing well, just as there are times we may be dormant.  We may also have some shady sides as well.  Our spiritual growth is no different.  Sometimes it is slow, sometimes a bit dormant, and once in a while there is a shady side to be dealt with. 

When we embrace the process of being a Christian man, we start as a seed and let it grow until we are fully devoted followers of Christ.  Throughout that process we seek to be fed constantly by God's hand.  We are the takers, and He is the giver.  There is energy in that exchange, and that energy is our passion.  When that occurs, there is no snow at the base of the tree we have become.  There is just the beauty of what we really are..men of God.

Bottom Line Thought:  No matter where your journey, are you taking the advantage of all the ways God feeds you in your travel, so that you can fully appreciate the beauty of what you are becoming..a real man of God?

A Choice Every Day

There are 365 days every year.  That's 365 days that are available to all of us to make a choice. The choice we make on any given day will determine who we are, what we are, and how we do life.  Each day we alone make the choice:

•  to be happy or not be happy.
•  to be kind or not.
•  to be loving or not.
•  to be forgiving or not.
•  to deign that, in spite of circumstances, we will seek joy and calm in our lives or not.
•  to look for the good or bad in everyone with whom we come in contact.
•  to be transparent or not, about ourselves.
•  to view our life as a half filled cup or a half empty cup.
•  walk with the Lord or do life without Him.
•  to trust Him or not.

Clearly, there are positive choices and negative choices that we can make. No matter what choice we make, it will have an impact on every relationship we have that day.  For example, the grumpy good-bye kiss in the morning or the encouraging and affirming kiss and hug with the wife will play a role in how the day unfolds for each.  Throughout the day, the choices made at the beginning of the day will play a role in how you conduct yourself, and how you are viewed by others, despite all circumstances that occur that day.

If one of our daily choices is to walk with the Lord and trust Him, all of the positive choices will come naturally to us.

 

I doubt that any of us know anyone who wilfully makes the choice to be a negative person when they get up in the morning, though we occasionally run into some whose demeanor might suggest that.  Those folks, I fear, just don't think that they do have a choice to be otherwise, or perhaps they haven't made the choice to walk with the Lord.

 

Bottom Line Question: Do you start your day making the choice to strengthen your walk with the Lord so that all those other choices that will define you will be the easy choices to make?



A Note for the Readers

I am sending a very sincere thank you to all who have subscribed, read, and/or browsed through this blog. The readership has increased dramatically, and it is my hope that the posts have been of some benefit to some of you.

I previously announced that some of the material from this blog is being used for a book-in-progress of the same name as this blog. The manuscript for that book is now about 1/3rd of the way completed, and an agreement with the publisher has been reached.

Out of that process came a very humbling lesson for yours truly!  I thought I was a pretty good writer. I found out I have not been doing all that well. After a crash course that brought me to reality, I realized that I can do much better (and I have to in order to minimize and speed up the editing process once the manuscript is submitted.

That said, beginning with today's regular post, you will see a bit of a difference in how I write these posts. They should be easier to read, more concise, have less "fancy" words, and they should be much more heart to heart pieces. I think your reading experience will be much better.

Thanks so very much for putting up with me as I have gone through this process, and continue to enjoy and hopefully get something from the posts.

Feel free to check out, and please share, THIS link for some more information about the book project. The manuscript is expected to be in the hands of the publisher by the end of this month.

God be with you.

That's a plan !

Plans are necessary things.  We all get involved with plans in one way or another throughout our lives don't we?

• builders follow blueprints (plans) to build our homes
• employees, such as tool and dye workers, follow intricate and detailed plans
• we make wedding plans for our daughters
• we make vacation plans for our families
• we plan for retirement....and the list goes on and on

In our heads we probably all make plans about how we hope our lives will run their course. If you are like me, you prefer those plans to run very smoothly.  We like to have all of our ducks in a row and we might struggle when things happen to disrupt those plans.  What it really boils down to is that us men, husbands, and fathers really want to be in charge of our lives, and by thinking that way we are not fully honoring the grand architect of our lives, God.

If a builder doesn't pay attention to and trust the plans provided to him by the architect, there is a real possibility that there will be some things terribly wrong with the house he is building.  The builder, in doing that, is taking control over the job, and there will be consequences.  A good builder will consult with the architect if he wants to talk about changes in the plans.

The bottom line is that God has a plan for our lives.  He knows what is best for us, how to use us for His work, and what He wants out of our lives.  And because those plans aren't visible to us on a blueprint, He only asks that we talk with Him about our lives, that we listen for His guidance, and that we trust Him.  His plans may be very, very different from our plans.  His plans will have bumps, curves, barriers we need to cross, but they all represent things we can learn from to make us better men and stronger Christ followers.  We learn none of that from the plans we have made.  A smooth road gets boring.

The only plan for our lives we should have is to follow God's plan.  Now that's the plan!

What are your plans for your life?  Are you listening to the real Architect of your life?  Do you need to listen more?



Quirks

We all have quirks.  Is there an amen to that?  What are quirks?  In a word, they can be defined as idiosyncrasies, such as one who fiddles with an ear lobe while thinking deeply.  Not everyone does that, but to the person who does, it is something they do without thought, almost as if it was a habit.  It doesn't harm anyone, it's just something they do.  It's a quirk.

My wife has a quirk.  She loves a cup of tea in the morning.  That's not the quirk, however.  It's in how she prepares to make the tea that is the quirk.  The process is this:

•  fill the tea kettle, put it on the stove, and turn the burner on high
• run the hot water from the faucet until it is as hot as it will get (takes a few minutes)
• fill the tea cup with the hot water from the spigot
• place the full cup of hot water into the microwave and turn it on for two minutes
• meanwhile, the tea kettle has started to whistle and is left on
• when the microwave stops, the cup is removed, the hot water which was already hot to begin with is dumped into the sink
• tea bag is then dropped into the hot cup and hot boiling water is dumped into the cup
• cup with tea bag is then left on the counter to cool down so it is drinkable

There is a funny thing about quirks....they often defy logic and reason.  They can be very annoying, such as the tea quirk is to me.  And there are some quirks that simply will never, ever change, regardless of how much discussion about them takes place.  An example of that is the tea quirk.  Thus, perhaps quirks can become relationship sores, sores that tend to fester.  In some cases, quirks can be relationship enders if one allows himself to focus more on the quirk than the person.  When that happens, the one focusing more on the quirk has probably forgotten, or doesn't even realize, that he too has quirks that may be annoying the dickens out of the person on the other side of the relationship.

What do you do about the quirks in your relationships as a man, husband, and father?

• do you first look at your own quirks and consider how annoying they may be to others?
• do you judge the other person by their quirks instead of who they really are?  Are you letting their quirks define who they really are?
• would you want others to define you by your quirks?
• what is more important...the quirks (no matter how weird or irrational) or the relationship?

We all need to consider that Jesus certainly dealt with some quirky folks in His time, and some became the twelve apostles.  The example He set was simple....love others unconditionally...quirks and all.

And, yes, I've got some rather annoying quirks myself !

Secrets

What do you do with the sin in your life?  I don't know about you, but I try to hide it.  I don't want others to know what my sins are.  This thing about transparency and openness is not easy. I mean, if folks knew all about my sin, what would they think of me?  Let's face it head on....we are trying to live our lives as Christ following men, husbands, and fathers right?  And yet we continue to sin, and often in not very obvious ways.  There's those secrets we feel we have to keep to ourselves.

At those times when I focus on the fact that Jesus really does see my sins, even when I don't share them with him and pray over them, and accept the fact that He still loves me more than anyone it becomes clear to me that while He hates the sin, He loves the sinner in me.  It is then that I realize that it is all about spiritual warfare, and that there are things I can do to win that battle:

• I can be transparent about myself with some trusted friends from my small group (after all, we are all in the same boat, and my transparency won't only help me to overcome those things, but it may be the encouragement someone else needs to open up and feel free.
• I can learn that those secrets are far more damaging to my spiritual growth when kept as secrets and not dealt with.
• It helps me to realize, once again, the full depth of God's love for me and the bounty of His unfathomable grace.

What secrets are standing in the way of your spiritual growth?  How are those secrets preventing you from being the best man, husband and father that you can be?



The teacher

Did you finish high school?  How about college?  Maybe even graduate level work?  If nothing else, there was most likely one common denominator in each of the three levels of education....tests.  I discovered in my three jaunts in education that there are those that do tests well, and there are those who don't do tests so well.  In high school I hated tests, and didn't do well.  In college I did ok with tests, but didn't look forward to them.  In graduate school, I really liked tests, and did well at them.  I can only attribute that growth in test taking to maturity.  What is similar in each grade level of tests?  The teacher is quiet when the students are taking those tests.  They want us to do well, so they don't distract us....but they are available if we have questions.

As in school, life itself is full of tests isn't it?  For example:

• we can easily find our patience being tested
• we can feel that our spirituality is being tested
• we sense that our emotions are being tested at times
• sometimes we are sure that our relationships are being tested
• and, at times, even our sense of self worth is tested 

What do you do when you know that your are in the middle of a life test?  How do you handle it?  Do you go to the Teacher with questions as you try to sort it out?  Do you ask for help? 

 

He's always there...quiet, but there....and waiting for us to meet Him at that quiet spot where we can share what concerns us with Him. 



Simple truths

Many times it seems as if prayer is made out to be much more than it was ever intended to be.

• some seem to fixate on making sure their prayers "sound right"
• they're resplendent with all the "thee's" and "thou's" and such
• they overflow, almost to the max, with such phrases as "oh gracious father", "our merciful father" and the like
• they are spoken with such voice inflection, over the top passion, and with such a variety of words that would never grace a normal conversation, that they seem almost phony...as if they were being prayed simply for the pleasure of the listening audience.

Let it be known right now that this is not a bash fest on prayer...in fact far from it.  For the benefit of those who may feel that their prayers have to be "perfect", that their prayers have to "sound right" in order to "be right", here are some simple truths about prayer:

1. prayer really is a mystery!
2. it requires faith because you are embracing the unexplainable.
1. how, after all, can anyone come to any definable conclusion that God is hearing prayers from perhaps millions of people all at the same time?  By faith alone.
2. how can one explain that they are praying to someone they cannot see and touch?  By faith alone.
3. prayer isn't that place where you meet God.  It's that place where He meets us.
1. it's that place where we shut up and show up.
2. it's that place where we turn off all that is around us so that He can communicate with us.
4. prayer, therefore, gives us the strength to continue on with our journey.

One of the most beautiful prayer I have ever heard came out of the mouth of one of the roughest, crudest, simplistic men I have ever known.  It was at an AA meeting years ago.  The particular man was an absolute believer in much more than his "higher power."  He truly believed in God, and at that time he was hurting, and wanted to pray.  It went something like this:
     "Hey God, this here is Jerry....you know, that really messed up guy.  Well God, you know I am really

Your GPS device

Yep, that's a GPS on a cell phone.  I guess all of the newer ones have them.  GPS's are no longer the new thing.  Cars are being made with them as part of the package, there are portable units available for folks that don't have them as part of the included accessories.  I recently discovered that even small planes have them (it's been years and years since I've been in one).  I happened to go on some training flying with a friend a couple of months ago and we decided that we'd do a fly-over of my house.  We were about 50 aeronautical miles away, so my friend just set the address, and darned if in a bit we weren't flying right over the house...on auto-pilot.  Amazing !

What's the purpose of a GPS?  To get you from where you are to where you are going, right?  And, usually, to get you there in the most direct manner, with the least amount of hassle, correct?  It takes you from point A to point B.

I believe we all have a GPS built within us.  It is called our soul.  It's always there, it's always turned on, it always knows our current position, point A (our lives and what's going on right then), and it knows our point B position....heaven.   It's our unfailing guide to get us from our point A to point B in not only the most direct manner, but in the most Christ like manner.  And yet, just like in our cars, or on our cell phones, we don't always pay attention to it do we?

Is the light on your GPS dim, or worse yet, turned off?  Do you feel lost because maybe you aren't paying attention to your GPS?  Are there things you need to do so that your GPS will operate as God intended it to do?

The most important words you can say

Can you imagine what might go through your mind if, when you came home you found your spouse or one of your children dead?  Once you got through the initial shock, might your mind wander to what may have been said, or worse, unsaid, when you saw them last?  I can't imagine how I would feel if I found myself in that circumstance knowing that whatever may have been said had been something unpleasant, or worse, nasty, angry, spiteful, demeaning, sarcastic, or the like.  I can't imagine the guilt I would feel knowing it didn't have to be that way.  How about you?

How many times do we use words as weapons....words that hurt, shame, tear down, kill someone's soul?  Words are really verbal expressions of our thoughts and therefore our real  spiritual condition.  The greatest proof and example of that is all of the words Christ used in His time here on earth. He didn't mock people.  He didn't tear people apart with His words.  He never revealed an ugly, nasty side to His spiritual condition, because there wasn't one.  But our words do, don't they?

There's a couple of things that can be said about the most important words you can say....

• the most important words you can say should always be the last ones that came from your mouth
• and the most important words you can say can be the ones that you didn't say

In a perfect world, we would all "get it".  Perhaps deep in our hearts we all know it.  But in our brokenness, we don't always think of the most important words we can say do we?

I don't know about you, but I do know about me...I'm glad that I, through grace, can continue to work on these little things about life....like trying to always remember that whenever I speak, those need to be the most important words I can say, and they need to come from a man who is using Christ's example.  And it's not always easy is it?

Fifty Shades of Grey

As follows is a complete post published at Fox News.com as written by author/blogger Jeannie Cunnion, and it is shared with her permission.  I can't add a thing to this wonderfully written, and so timely a piece.

I can’t help but wonder if the theme song for the soon-to-be released "Fifty Shades of Grey" film will be “have you ever really degraded a woman?”

As a mother to three young men, I am deeply troubled by the upcoming release of "Fifty Shades." Let me start by saying I have not read the book but I have read enough commentary to know what the book is ultimately about -- and the bottom line for me is -- the message this movie sends to young men is frightening at best.

In some mysterious fashion, "Fifty Shades" has managed to essentially romanticize the strong preying upon the weak, attempting to teach young men (like mine) to objectify, violate, and discard women for their every whim and pleasure.

 

Christian Grey, the “hero” in the movie, displays many of the characteristics often attributed to men who physically and verbally abuse, and in the most tragic cases, even murder, their partners. 
And yet, in some mysterious fashion, "Fifty Shades" has managed to essentially romanticize the strong preying upon the weak, attempting to teach young men (like mine) to objectify, violate, and discard women for their every whim and pleasure.

What I find most ironic is that this movie is being released in the midst of a growing awareness in our country of the thriving global sex slave industry, which rakes in approximately $20 billion annually.
Trafficking women and children for sexual exploitation is the fastest growing criminal enterprise in the world, affecting at least 20.9 million adults and children worldwide. Even more disturbing is that about 2 million children are exploited every year in the global commercial sex trade, and women and girls make up 98% of victims of trafficking for sexual exploitation.

The fact that "Fifty Shades" fuels the sexual exploitation fire, glorifies the degradation of women, and perpetuates a twisted perception of what a real man looks like, is undeniable.
Throw into the mix the rapidly growing accessibility to, and normalization of, pornography and what you’ve got is fine formula for raising a generation of young men who’ve been well taught to degrade, abuse and objectify women and children.

It’s going to take nothing less than hard work to teach young men what a real man looks like.
It’s going to take hard work to teach young men that a man who needs to degrade, control, humiliate and abuse a woman to feel like a man is no man at all.  He’s a coward.

Parents must be more intentional than ever in not only protecting their children from evil influences but also in educating their children about what real manhood looks like.  Fathers are the primary vehicle for modeling how to really love, honor, and cherish a woman.  And mothers must require respectful communication from their boys. Our boys are watching, and as all parents know, more is caught than taught.

But in addition to modeling a healthy and enjoyable partnership, and requiring respect and honor from our young men, parents must be willing to teach their young men a few Biblical truths about what a real man knows. Here are five:

1. A real man knows that God created men and women in His very image.
2. A real man knows that every woman he encounters is God’s masterpiece, inherently worthy of honor and respect.
3. A real man knows that their naked body deserves the honor of being shared only with someone who is covenanted to never stop loving their naked soul.  (Ann Voskamp)
4. A real man defends, not degrades, women.
5. And a real man knows that real love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, and it always protects.

Not exactly the message in "Fifty Shades."
Jeannie Cunnion is the author of "Parenting the Wholehearted Child," and a blogger at www.jeanniecunnion.com. She has a Master’s degree in Social Work, and her background combines counseling, writing, and speaking about parenting and adoption issues. Jeannie and her husband, Mike, are the proud parents of three wild and awesome boys.