What do I say?

Writing this is difficult.  Very much so,  in fact.  And it’s been rolling around in my head for a couple of days now and it’s no easier now than when the thought first struck me.  I somehow feel that by writing it I am denying God His rightful place at being in control.  And yet, by not writing it I feel that I am not only denying myself an opportunity to get my feeling out, but also the more important opportunity to share them in a meaningful way.

It all started with a simple text message.  While texts often seem somewhat impersonal, I knew this one was not.  It was sent by my best friend, one who just a few days earlier had told me that he was very worried about me.  I had shared with him that I was down with pneumonia.  We don’t share with each other for sympathy.  We share with each other because we are brothers in Christ and we care deeply for each other.  And we pray with and for each other.  The short message he sent told me how his cancer had spread quite aggressively to his liver, and that a plan was being formulated.  As a side note, during the past year he had undergone treatment for melanoma, and had to have some lymph glands removed as part of the process.  The nodes had been attacked.  The prognosis, however, was good at that time.

The text message, when combined with the history, doesn’t leave very much doubt as to the seriousness of the current situation of my friend.  One side of me says God has always been known to have His hands in miracles and there can be one here.  Another side tells me, both from experience and knowledge, that this is not a good situation at all, and that in reality my friends lifetime here on earth may be limited.  Then there is yet other area that comes to mind, one that overlaps both sides of my thinking.  If his case is anywhere near “normal”, there will be physical discomfort of a varied range of severity, and there will most certainly be emotional upheaval as my friend travels the journey he must.  And even as much as he loves the Lord, there may be times of inner weakness as he winds down this road.

What do I say?  What do I do?  Certainly I pray, and encourage others to pray, for comfort for him and his family.  Comfort and healing.   And peace.  And strength…..strength to hold on to the very faith he has taught me so much about in the time I have known him.  But what do I say?  To him? 

I can’t, at this time, go see him.  I’m home with pneumonia.  He doesn’t need any outside weakness introduced to his body.  So, you say, there is the telephone. Yes there is.  And he, of all who know me, know that I’m one of those that has a hard time putting a few words together that make a lot of sense or convey feelings or a sense of thought.  That’s why I write.  That’s why I’m writing this.  That’s why when I am finished, he will get a copy.  He knows me.  We’re brothers in Christ.  So what do I say?

I say, my dear friend….thank you.  Thank you so very much for sharing your life with me, for being a friend, a far more dear friend than you can imagine.  Thank you for letting God work through you on me in these unbelievable ways:

·         for being His instrument here on earth to walk with me when I needed it so much,

·         for propping me up when i needed it,  and in doing so giving me strength,

·         for leading me so appropriately as I struggled to fine the real me buried inside me,

·         for playing such a key role in the revival of my very much weakened spiritual self,

·         for helping me to believe in me for by doing so gifts ignored were brought to life

·         for the richness of the grace and love who have consistently given me, even as we shared the journey of my much broken past

·         for the light of God’s love that has shown through you as you did His work here on earth on me.

These are things that must be said.  They must be shared now, while you are here to know the results of your hands work.  It matters not whether your time here will be extended by Gods hand, or if your work for Him here on earth is done.  What matters is that you did the work He asked you to do when He put me in front of your face.  And what matters most is that you did it well, with love and concern, with discernment, and with grace.  You may be here for a long time to come.  We have no say in that.  But whether that happens or not, know that I love you brother, for what you are, who you are, and what you have so unselfishly done with me.  It is because of that that I look at the short time we have had together as a gift, and a preamble to the time we will spend together (eternity) at such time as we both pass on from this earth.  There were many years when I thought I would never see that other side.  Now I know I will….and I thank you and love you for the role you played in that change.   

Wait for me.  I'll be there.  I promise.  Because you did your job.