You win, I win, we all win

In my time I've gotten into any number of arguments.  I've won them and lost them.  The point is, in an argument there is only one winner.  Thus they can, and often do, become quite competitive.  Some of the tools which can be used to effectively win an argument are:

• an increasing level of sarcasm as the argument continues
• a raised voice never hurts ones quest to win at all
• some good old finger pointing and jabbing make great tactics
• swearing always raises the tempo of a good argument, especially if it personal in nature
• a good stiff, unyielding body language makes for stronger points
• facts are just a "thing", a word.  Don't rely on them too heavily in your argument.
• jumping on the others weak points to make them look stupid always helps
• throwing unrelated dirt and issues at the other during the heat of the argument helps get the other party to the argument off track
• making sure that your logic sounds reasonable (even if it isn't) is always a great way to bolster your ego and feed the flames of your superiority over the other
• and finally....never, ever, yield to having the final word, and an emphatic one at that.
• To finish it off.....accept apologies, but never offer one up first (to do so could affect your standing in the next argument).  And if you do feel that an apology from you is necessary, whatever you do make it one that is half-hearted at best.

The above list works especially well in interpersonal relationships, and especially in arguments with wives and children because it closely resembles something known as emotional bullying.  Men seem to have a particular propensity toward this type of behavior.  I think that perhaps that stems from some innate desire to "protect my manhood."  In a way, it's a turf war of sorts.  But again, only one of the participants will win.  There will always be losers.

I have gotten into far less discussions than I have arguments.  When I have gotten into discussions, I have won all of them.  So have the other participants.  Like arguments, discussions can, and often do, become quite competitive.  That is where the similarities end.  Some of the tools people use to win discussions are:

• a calm and quiet voice of reason, devoid of sarcasm and swearing
• a heavy reliance on truth, and truth only
• a relaxed body language, one which exudes calm and shows safety to the other
• making sure you stay on point and don't sidetrack
• complimenting the other's strong points as they are made
• knowing that you don't know everything and that compromise is a healthy option
• speaking only what you know about and avoiding conjecture
• entering into it knowing that you need to be open to the others ideas
• being able to agree to disagree

 

 

Why is it so hard for us guys to remember the difference between a discussion and an argument?  Why is our "turf" (protecting our manhood) so much more important than truth and relational integrity?  Why do we tend to argue more than discuss?

 

I'm not a biblical scholar, but I would bet my bowl of ice cream Jesus said something about it.  Maybe something like "love thy neighbor as thyself"?    Just sayin.